Maybe I did miss it and maybe I did wish for you. But as we grew Santa forgot we did exist. And so every wish from little children were granted. Little train sets, the barking puppy, the dolls and teddy bears were neatly wrapped and left under the tree. We got wrapped up gifts too but way more complicated compared to the little things we used to ask for. The lap of Santa's too old for us now, the knees shaking for mercy as we sit and the little whispers of wishes were too soft to be heard. We're now incharge of our own wishes and the laid back twinkles in the sky are supposedly our Santas. Whether you get one wish or not. But how come one wish was whispered and thrown back to the sky? How come one wish wasn't granted? That one wish.
Was it possible that I did wish for a package delivered in Christmas Eve and this box sits there. But I sorta did get that kind of box didn't I? Beep beep!
Thursday, December 28, 2006
Thursday, December 21, 2006
Go Figure
Why would questions appear this way?
Having to see everything else but this?
Would you rather seek the attention of a stranger?
Would you rather kiss the sun? Or the moon?
Would you rather answer every marked question?
Or just stare at the blank scenario ahead?
For every scenery shown, asking for help through gasps of suffocated air...
The wanted taste for first touched lips.
Would rather be silenced than harmed
Coz every sunlight glare through the night
The blanketing warmth of the sun with every chill of a cold November night
Teeth shattering through hugs and kisses.
Let a hug mwah speak for itself
Coz a smile
A teardrop
Stare
And glance
Would all come down to every stuttered lie
Having to see everything else but this?
Would you rather seek the attention of a stranger?
Would you rather kiss the sun? Or the moon?
Would you rather answer every marked question?
Or just stare at the blank scenario ahead?
For every scenery shown, asking for help through gasps of suffocated air...
The wanted taste for first touched lips.
Would rather be silenced than harmed
Coz every sunlight glare through the night
The blanketing warmth of the sun with every chill of a cold November night
Teeth shattering through hugs and kisses.
Let a hug mwah speak for itself
Coz a smile
A teardrop
Stare
And glance
Would all come down to every stuttered lie
Sunday, December 17, 2006
left unspoken.
blunders of unspoken words. the smiles and the weirdness left unanswered. the secret. ssshhh. dont tell! blundered catipulates. wink wink. hhmmm, who is it. wink wink? ssshh. its a secret. see, this is what i was talking about. somewhere private. if you found my secret. hush. leave a comment. but that's impossible. i dont think you'll ever find it. none of you. :) hushed seceret will never be told. in case you find me. bravo. read on. in both sides. :) let me see who i've always wanted to be with. snow flakes and wrinkled up noses. JUST FRIENDS and drip drip. Hhhmm... will that be you now? drip drip? you've always been the name in each tear anyway, hold on to everything. :) yumm.. chicken salad. leave her to type. wink wink ripcurl. yeah.. wink wink. or giggle giggle will work.. either way. :o so.. do you know now? guess not. :) wink wink.
Saturday, December 16, 2006
Typed out
ink blots and teardrops, the hugs and kisses. winkle, wrinkles. laughter and smiles. and so the typing begins. the girl hopping through the numbered stars, wishing for something more and twinkle twinkles given up as we point back. see the feel of the vanilla scent and the overdose of boredom. leaving the ink blots staining the paper. let them feel the stain and heat of coffee. smell of inspiration and a name given without hesitation. "one short gingerbread latte for" non-islander. she didn't survive after all. the blinks of winks and the blinks sleepiness. yawn through the day. the girl so bored. indeed overdose of boredom's bad. not being given the right to speak. and the need for somemore entries. taken away by dreams of failure. the dreams of dark rooms no one to talk to but herself. sad.
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
How nothing else matters
the cold silent whispers through the silence left between. The hollowed meaning and empty papers left to ponder on. The ink blots smudging every words left unspoken instead written down, did we miss anything? except for the broken silence causing greater confusion. Leaving the blank spaces blank, we don't care, right? [beep beep] Honking the horn that follows the shadows of the past, leaving the present with nothing. Allow her to stare at the ongoing pavements, but then they're not moving now. [traffic] JAM! Bam! Boom! Bleh! ;-P
Is she not in the present right now? Watch as she stares at the empty pavements left on the ground. The nothingness of it all didn't make sense [like twinkle twinkle] The spirit of the night would come in and knock on the window. Not caring on what time it is, she would sneak out and experience every midnight's dream there is. Yet outside the house and the four walls she filled in. If only reality would allow her to. Continue with everything else that happens, wish upon the stars that twinkle twinkle. Leave everything under the covers and the worries of tomorrow and everyday. The moon lady's wish for one day, would never come for she shines through every night and dark sky. Watching as she falls into the sleep and dreams. Watch as she sheds every tear, the song she's been listening to gave her permission to feel. Is this what happens when she does? Tears start to come out, one by one... not knowing what to do. Not even a smile would appear. How come no one else saw? The past denied. The still ongoing pavement shook it's head. The trees, the window, the star and everything else never knew.[Little girl, why are you sad?] coz nothing else matters...
Is she not in the present right now? Watch as she stares at the empty pavements left on the ground. The nothingness of it all didn't make sense [like twinkle twinkle] The spirit of the night would come in and knock on the window. Not caring on what time it is, she would sneak out and experience every midnight's dream there is. Yet outside the house and the four walls she filled in. If only reality would allow her to. Continue with everything else that happens, wish upon the stars that twinkle twinkle. Leave everything under the covers and the worries of tomorrow and everyday. The moon lady's wish for one day, would never come for she shines through every night and dark sky. Watching as she falls into the sleep and dreams. Watch as she sheds every tear, the song she's been listening to gave her permission to feel. Is this what happens when she does? Tears start to come out, one by one... not knowing what to do. Not even a smile would appear. How come no one else saw? The past denied. The still ongoing pavement shook it's head. The trees, the window, the star and everything else never knew.[Little girl, why are you sad?] coz nothing else matters...
Remember
the song says...
Remember the moment of changeis it all straight ahead or behind you? Well maybe if you look around you’ll see everything’s perfectly clearpicture it all in your mind Remember where we are nowopen your eyes Take it all in Remember where we are now This is where your life begins You feel like you’re lost in the crowd Watching life go on without you Well baby it’s your turn to shine everything’s starting right here Don’t leave this moment behind Remember where we are nowopen your eyes Take it all in Remember where we are nowthis is where your life begins Don’t look away it’s the life that you choose now believe it There’ll come a day When you look up and see how good you are with me Remember where we are nowopen your eyes Take it all in Remember where we are now This is where your life begins
One sleepover and a movie played. The eyes staring at the screen, secretly wishing for the same thing. the prince, the crown and the girl.
Remember the moment of changeis it all straight ahead or behind you? Well maybe if you look around you’ll see everything’s perfectly clearpicture it all in your mind Remember where we are nowopen your eyes Take it all in Remember where we are now This is where your life begins You feel like you’re lost in the crowd Watching life go on without you Well baby it’s your turn to shine everything’s starting right here Don’t leave this moment behind Remember where we are nowopen your eyes Take it all in Remember where we are nowthis is where your life begins Don’t look away it’s the life that you choose now believe it There’ll come a day When you look up and see how good you are with me Remember where we are nowopen your eyes Take it all in Remember where we are now This is where your life begins
One sleepover and a movie played. The eyes staring at the screen, secretly wishing for the same thing. the prince, the crown and the girl.
Sssh.. its our little secret!
She begged for one more wish as she stepped into the covered unmentionables. ;) the one little star she wished on would one day be hers. [right.] Sshh. She wishes for that one star. [oh right. there's twinkle twinkle now. beep beep made more sense.] Beep beep no longer gave in to every honk. it lost it's powers the moment she put some sense into it. Is that supposed to happen? The moment you find it you lose it. It's funny how irony starts forcing itself in when you don't want it. But when you beg for rain on a sunny day, it hides away. Like the lil haiku the little girl wrote down. One shining light (too far to reach) One teardrop too long, I wish for one day each night, You're what I long for. But how come the moon lady can't get her wish? She's with the company of stars and twinkle twinkles. [so much for beep beep huh] Beep beep never came and didn't mean anything the moment it did. When it all made sense it flew into the air. The moment she fell for the same joke she promised she'll never laugh at. She believed the same old lie she used to tell herself when she promised she'll never trust. She cried for the same wish when she told herself wishes don't come true. She open the same old window last night, the moment she locked it up and closed all curtains. Were little girls allowed to torture themselves that way? Last time I checked, things weren't that complicated when you're in that age yet. [the thing is she's not in that age anymore.] But everyone needs to go back to the childhood days they used to have. Right? When you're a little girl, you close your eyes when you feel like disappearing. When you're a little girl, you sit on the lap of Santa and ask for whatever you want. When you're a little girl, you long for lollipops and teddybears when you're lonely. When you're a little girl, you laugh at everything coz of innocence. When you're a little girl, you wish on a star and believes that it'll come true. When you're a little girl...
But we're not so little now are we? We got those exams to worry about and we have to plan your whole life or at least start thinking about it. We spend most of our time whining about how hard everything is. But then it's not so hard, is it? Come to think of it, it should be a little bit easier given the fact we got our own mind and we could think alone now. We don't need mommies and daddies to pick us up when we trip. We don't need lollipops when we cry and we don't need stars to wish on coz we don't believe in those anymore. But what happens when you do? When you don't have anything to turn to but your favorite teddy? When you don't have anyone to cry to but your mom?
Let her have that one forgotten wish. That one night she knows will someday come. The one day, she'll be picked up and would hold that one person's hand. [beep beep. twinkle twinkle.] Confused and frustrated. You pretend that you don't even care but then you know you do. The moment you pulled the curtains aside and opened that window, you know you got everything else infront of you. You're blinded by what's infront of you coz it's too near. Why do we even look far off, when everything else is there? As everything pass by. But every sentence we have under every silence, we begin to think there's nothing else left. But then. Leave her alone as she falls and breaks down. The sobs and the tears falling. It's everything she wished for. One secret list, they'll never find. One little wish list, no one will ever read. Hidden beneath the blank faces of that one girl who walks by every now and then. There are days every now and again i pretend i'm ok but that's not what gets me. That's one line you'll never forget. One line you'll hear from her. Maybe not anymore, for the pathetic feeling she's always had never really gave her the courage. :) let's just smile then.
But we're not so little now are we? We got those exams to worry about and we have to plan your whole life or at least start thinking about it. We spend most of our time whining about how hard everything is. But then it's not so hard, is it? Come to think of it, it should be a little bit easier given the fact we got our own mind and we could think alone now. We don't need mommies and daddies to pick us up when we trip. We don't need lollipops when we cry and we don't need stars to wish on coz we don't believe in those anymore. But what happens when you do? When you don't have anything to turn to but your favorite teddy? When you don't have anyone to cry to but your mom?
Let her have that one forgotten wish. That one night she knows will someday come. The one day, she'll be picked up and would hold that one person's hand. [beep beep. twinkle twinkle.] Confused and frustrated. You pretend that you don't even care but then you know you do. The moment you pulled the curtains aside and opened that window, you know you got everything else infront of you. You're blinded by what's infront of you coz it's too near. Why do we even look far off, when everything else is there? As everything pass by. But every sentence we have under every silence, we begin to think there's nothing else left. But then. Leave her alone as she falls and breaks down. The sobs and the tears falling. It's everything she wished for. One secret list, they'll never find. One little wish list, no one will ever read. Hidden beneath the blank faces of that one girl who walks by every now and then. There are days every now and again i pretend i'm ok but that's not what gets me. That's one line you'll never forget. One line you'll hear from her. Maybe not anymore, for the pathetic feeling she's always had never really gave her the courage. :) let's just smile then.
Sunday, December 10, 2006
Twinkle twinkle.
Rain Rain. Drizzle drizzle. Rain Rain. Chill on the feet and the text message not sent. You're making me more pathetic than i already am. : just leave me alone unspoken thoughts. Forgotten dreams and the forgotten wishes. What's there to remember about the dreams and wishes?
Watch as she dresses up and brushs her hair. Staring at the mirror, wondering if there's more time to spare. And yet the loud voices and the engine starting, it's time to go. then poor little girl had to leave. lunch out. and out again. come back home and walk right in. the parlor, the bazaar. parlor til six past and we're late for mass. poor little girl had to rush home and back out again. Rain rain. Don't go away. She loves the rain and things happen when it does. :) [see her smile? keep it. it's not often she shows one] as she walks out the parlor, she sees the star she wished upon. One star that creats happiness. One star she might just reach. Maybe. We'll see. [twinkle twinkle. not beep beep. she took out the horn, she put on little star earrings, is she really locking it up? the little car key thrown away?] Twinkle twinkle. :)
Watch as she dresses up and brushs her hair. Staring at the mirror, wondering if there's more time to spare. And yet the loud voices and the engine starting, it's time to go. then poor little girl had to leave. lunch out. and out again. come back home and walk right in. the parlor, the bazaar. parlor til six past and we're late for mass. poor little girl had to rush home and back out again. Rain rain. Don't go away. She loves the rain and things happen when it does. :) [see her smile? keep it. it's not often she shows one] as she walks out the parlor, she sees the star she wished upon. One star that creats happiness. One star she might just reach. Maybe. We'll see. [twinkle twinkle. not beep beep. she took out the horn, she put on little star earrings, is she really locking it up? the little car key thrown away?] Twinkle twinkle. :)
Thursday, December 07, 2006
Beep Beep might mean <3
the walk to the cafe, giving them the chill, the taste and the statisfaction of sipping the great taste of pleasure. 8 sticky friends til the present arrives. :D stay inside, just stay there til it's safe. hhm. sounds familiar. right. search search search! hehe. teachers making it look like there was a shoot out or something. coz it sure felt like a lock down recess. :P Nah, maybe we just wanted one like it. Haha. Oh well. The rain stopped. But why would I want it to? Even though exams are pushing through, then what will happen? Sick. No. I don't want. Exams are important. :
Step out. Drizzle drizzle. Hhm. I guess it's fine. Oh but wait. Puddles of rain are still here! :) Lovely. Then the two young ladies with fraps held on tight walked into the village, still out at night. hhm. still in your uniforms huh, well lets just see what happens. pass by the park darlings, you'll never know when.. drizzle drizzle. There we go. RUN! RUN! the covered court. the covered secrets to tell. giggles and wiping. the transparent blouse. tsk tsk. kayo ha! *wink wink* let me have my smile at last. please? *gasp!* :) there we go. Pepeton! Pepeton! :) smile. smile. smile. haha! lovely. lovely night.
Step out. Drizzle drizzle. Hhm. I guess it's fine. Oh but wait. Puddles of rain are still here! :) Lovely. Then the two young ladies with fraps held on tight walked into the village, still out at night. hhm. still in your uniforms huh, well lets just see what happens. pass by the park darlings, you'll never know when.. drizzle drizzle. There we go. RUN! RUN! the covered court. the covered secrets to tell. giggles and wiping. the transparent blouse. tsk tsk. kayo ha! *wink wink* let me have my smile at last. please? *gasp!* :) there we go. Pepeton! Pepeton! :) smile. smile. smile. haha! lovely. lovely night.
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
beep beep is...
taste the sober lips you'll always find. a kiss felt ontop of the monkey bars. one more wish added. one more left there. will everything be forgotten as you find everything else lying around? it all matters and yet they begin to not. and if they don't will tears leave them unspoken? Unanswered problems and unspoken questions, we'll never get to the bottom of everything. The answers we left unspoken and the sober lips left untouched. Nothing will ever seem right. and the places we left hanging, and the words we left dangling, will everything be right? if you leave everything behind, then nothing else would matter. no one else would care. and yet the pouring rain will grant you the satisfaction you need. hug the girl who's longed for one. skipping through the hallways alone and silent. yeah, alone and silent. hussh. she's talking.
I miss him. Everything else too. the past, the smiles, the laughter, the tears and the fun moments around. the skipping days and the ignorant looks will never tell them anything else. the sweet little smiles and the will never be forgotten promise. I miss those. [you miss him] Period. oh. wait. hug mwah! [beepbeep]
I miss him. Everything else too. the past, the smiles, the laughter, the tears and the fun moments around. the skipping days and the ignorant looks will never tell them anything else. the sweet little smiles and the will never be forgotten promise. I miss those. [you miss him] Period. oh. wait. hug mwah! [beepbeep]
Monday, December 04, 2006
I wish....
I wish i loved you? that icon stood out. i must say.
but one wish i could never forget... was... I wished for you. :|
Stories told in not much of a hushed tone. better yet a free tone. :) noise level over the top. The banging onto the table. One person fell. :| too into the kwentos. One knife picked up and ran through the fingers. or between each finger. or else blood would've dripped and poor little girl gets rushed to the hospital. another THE story would be told in cooking class. straight up to pinoy. one odd teacher. nationalistic? not. thought so. lunch. subjects. wait. ANDRE! WHERE'S ANDRE? WHATEVER HAPPENED TO ANDRE? maybe eating some red lobster sir. hahahaha! then lit came. Gubalicous! christmas lights! :D loves it! :D
then one more vandalized back of the pad. yes. keep it. own it. read it. i liberated myself and wrote with freedom. keep it.i promise.
but one wish i could never forget... was... I wished for you. :|
Stories told in not much of a hushed tone. better yet a free tone. :) noise level over the top. The banging onto the table. One person fell. :| too into the kwentos. One knife picked up and ran through the fingers. or between each finger. or else blood would've dripped and poor little girl gets rushed to the hospital. another THE story would be told in cooking class. straight up to pinoy. one odd teacher. nationalistic? not. thought so. lunch. subjects. wait. ANDRE! WHERE'S ANDRE? WHATEVER HAPPENED TO ANDRE? maybe eating some red lobster sir. hahahaha! then lit came. Gubalicous! christmas lights! :D loves it! :D
then one more vandalized back of the pad. yes. keep it. own it. read it. i liberated myself and wrote with freedom. keep it.i promise.
Friday, December 01, 2006
So why didn't you go?
One getaway. One key. One little car keychain. One little lie. One huge about-to-be-mess. One night. One person's sober lips. One barefoot teenager. One sophknight. One hour of waiting. One best. Night. Of. One's. Life.
Hushed tone of silenced unspoken voices. One tilt in the head. And one takas. awaits one more hushed tone. And a paranoid party girl. A paranoid wreck. You can't let this happen. You can't leave her here with sober lips puckered up. If only she was drunk she should've danced with you. :) Aaw! A smile. :) Too bad she wasn't as drunk. :) Aaw! Another smile. :) What if the wrecked up little girl was too wrecked. Was alone. And danced with you. Would you live with that? Yeah he would. But will she? Allpuckered up, shouting out loud and screaming like the drunk she really is, good thing her old crippled grandma didn't come. Let them bee. Let them bee. Bumble bee. The sober lips and drunken minds, dancing through tunes of the lived up nights they had. One more hand held and one more couple at sight, she would've given up and tasted the tears once again. :) There you go. Another smile. :) Hhmm. Let me see, another? And another? And another?! she must've lost it. Or maybe she's jst intoxicated. Yes. It's an intoxicated smile. One mountain dew. One tequilla. Two tequilla. One more beer. Then that was it. The stairs. Not the floor. But with two couples and one missing. Yes, godchild. :P Not yet! We shall wait. :P Again. Bleh! :P Was it shocking? to see the chapped lips walking down with hhm, lets see, non islander!? *laugh laugh*. yes. it was. oh well. red dress looked hot anyway, and aaaw! her cute lil date. Platito! *laugh laugh* yes. Rhyme it up my lil wannabe miss guba-s! *laugh laugh* [yes. laugh it up! you need it sweetheart]
*sigh* one best night. with her bee. with all of her bestfriends. with one huge lump of guilt. :) One smile. ["smile"]
Hushed tone of silenced unspoken voices. One tilt in the head. And one takas. awaits one more hushed tone. And a paranoid party girl. A paranoid wreck. You can't let this happen. You can't leave her here with sober lips puckered up. If only she was drunk she should've danced with you. :) Aaw! A smile. :) Too bad she wasn't as drunk. :) Aaw! Another smile. :) What if the wrecked up little girl was too wrecked. Was alone. And danced with you. Would you live with that? Yeah he would. But will she? Allpuckered up, shouting out loud and screaming like the drunk she really is, good thing her old crippled grandma didn't come. Let them bee. Let them bee. Bumble bee. The sober lips and drunken minds, dancing through tunes of the lived up nights they had. One more hand held and one more couple at sight, she would've given up and tasted the tears once again. :) There you go. Another smile. :) Hhmm. Let me see, another? And another? And another?! she must've lost it. Or maybe she's jst intoxicated. Yes. It's an intoxicated smile. One mountain dew. One tequilla. Two tequilla. One more beer. Then that was it. The stairs. Not the floor. But with two couples and one missing. Yes, godchild. :P Not yet! We shall wait. :P Again. Bleh! :P Was it shocking? to see the chapped lips walking down with hhm, lets see, non islander!? *laugh laugh*. yes. it was. oh well. red dress looked hot anyway, and aaaw! her cute lil date. Platito! *laugh laugh* yes. Rhyme it up my lil wannabe miss guba-s! *laugh laugh* [yes. laugh it up! you need it sweetheart]
*sigh* one best night. with her bee. with all of her bestfriends. with one huge lump of guilt. :) One smile. ["smile"]
Sunday, November 26, 2006
Pretty girl. Knotted cherry stem. A kiss blown away.
One night longed for. One night wasted and thrown away. I'm not going anywhere. Yet you are. Leave. And walk away. Please. The rain pouring and she's still standing. No more wet puddles. No more puddles of wine. :) Let her be. :O shocking isn't it?! :P
One more pretty girl walking into the dark village and the ongoing pavements. Traffic jam taking that away from her. She's really stuck in the past is she. Honking those horns away [beep beep]. As she closes her eyes through the busy streets of the city. She can't run away. She can't hide. She can't... have one night. Those silver plates with your name on it. Watch as she stares. Just watch. Drip. Boom. Bam. [traffic] Jam. Bleh. ;P
A taxi driver was all she needed all along. "Can you turn on the radio please?" An advice. A talk. A payment triple the fare. A smile. Walk away now and never look back. A wave goodbye to a dream that never came true. [it never will] Shh. Don't tell her that. Walk away with your click-itty brown boots. Drip drip. "One more tear drop my darling? Wipe it away. Look strong" says Mr. Taxi Driver. Don't you just love them? :) They'll always make you feel better. Unlike dudes who don't even care. Maybe she's right. Maybe she should just wait for some other day she'll get to say Be my sophnight date. Again. [no honey, no] Shh. Don't tell her that. She's wreck. Fix her. It's not as easy as that is it? It won't be as simple, won't it? But if you just roll your eyes repeatedly, maybe you won't see. Maybe they'll all disappear. And if you can't see them. They won't see you. :) But then again, it's not as simple as that. :( Break the news [no, it's actually news flash.] Hush. He's gonna come back. She knows it. [beep beep] Woops. Censored. My bad. ;P [you didn't mean that did you.]
One yes. One night. One fight. One night. Canceled. One tear drop? Many more came through. [told you so] No you didn't. Hush. She's asleep. Look at her face. Is she dreaming? [he took those too. didn't you know that? he took everything else] Poor little girl. Nothing else to hold on too. [star light. star bright. first star she saw tonight. she wished she may. she wished she might. will her wish come true tonight?] Right. One star. One wish. Things she still hasn't let go off. [pop] One more string. One more balloon. Something she hasn't called wasted. These things don't make much sense. Why hold on? Coz they're the things that matters now. And maybe if I hold on tight. It'll bring me to whatever I'm looking for. But I do know one more thing these can do. Take me to someone I've been waiting for. [a wreck. fix her.] If only she was as simple as that.
One more pretty girl walking into the dark village and the ongoing pavements. Traffic jam taking that away from her. She's really stuck in the past is she. Honking those horns away [beep beep]. As she closes her eyes through the busy streets of the city. She can't run away. She can't hide. She can't... have one night. Those silver plates with your name on it. Watch as she stares. Just watch. Drip. Boom. Bam. [traffic] Jam. Bleh. ;P
A taxi driver was all she needed all along. "Can you turn on the radio please?" An advice. A talk. A payment triple the fare. A smile. Walk away now and never look back. A wave goodbye to a dream that never came true. [it never will] Shh. Don't tell her that. Walk away with your click-itty brown boots. Drip drip. "One more tear drop my darling? Wipe it away. Look strong" says Mr. Taxi Driver. Don't you just love them? :) They'll always make you feel better. Unlike dudes who don't even care. Maybe she's right. Maybe she should just wait for some other day she'll get to say Be my sophnight date. Again. [no honey, no] Shh. Don't tell her that. She's wreck. Fix her. It's not as easy as that is it? It won't be as simple, won't it? But if you just roll your eyes repeatedly, maybe you won't see. Maybe they'll all disappear. And if you can't see them. They won't see you. :) But then again, it's not as simple as that. :( Break the news [no, it's actually news flash.] Hush. He's gonna come back. She knows it. [beep beep] Woops. Censored. My bad. ;P [you didn't mean that did you.]
One yes. One night. One fight. One night. Canceled. One tear drop? Many more came through. [told you so] No you didn't. Hush. She's asleep. Look at her face. Is she dreaming? [he took those too. didn't you know that? he took everything else] Poor little girl. Nothing else to hold on too. [star light. star bright. first star she saw tonight. she wished she may. she wished she might. will her wish come true tonight?] Right. One star. One wish. Things she still hasn't let go off. [pop] One more string. One more balloon. Something she hasn't called wasted. These things don't make much sense. Why hold on? Coz they're the things that matters now. And maybe if I hold on tight. It'll bring me to whatever I'm looking for. But I do know one more thing these can do. Take me to someone I've been waiting for. [a wreck. fix her.] If only she was as simple as that.
Friday, November 24, 2006
A word or two.
Pens. Paper. Ink blots. Something more. Blank. Undiscovered. Unknown. Unheard of. Look. Watch. Boom. Crackle crackle. Boom. Crackle crackle. Twinkles. Bright bright. I'm sorry. I miss. You. Stars. Wished. Beep beep. Ding. Monkey bar. Barred. Climbed. Stare. At twinkles. Shine. Kiss. Mwah. Hug. Blow. Closed eyes. One more. Last one. Beep beep. New name. Beep beep. Censored. Woops. My bad. Make sense. Periods. Smiles. Words. One or two. One. Two. Three. Let's go. Run. Run away. Still makes. Sense? yes. Bam. Disappear. Stop.
Yesterday. today. Tomorrow?
Yesterday. when tears start to pour, you know you did too much. You're not suppposed to seal your lips when everyone's eyeing on you. You shouldn't act like you did nothing once I raise my hand to defend a friend like her. You. Suck. Scrub the brown desk now darling, before leaving for vacation. We'll miss you! not! :P
Freaky Friday comes and the drugged up fatass arrives. A smile from ear to ear. Loud laughs. HA! HA! HA! :| scary.. :| Dana-shi. *talks in Korean lang.* :| blank faces were thrown to her. Anymore HA HA HAs miss? Definitley! :| (again) "i'm so scared" came out right. but it wasnt supposed to. even though she really was. ;P good thing we didnt elaborate on that. Limp. Limp. Limp. Brrriiiinnnngggggg. Recess. Canteen. Walk. Walk. Woah! Is that her?! Walking? Not limping.:| Loser. Fatass.
Sige lang Sophie! More of laugh laugh moments:
"Sophie... 10-2?" "5! 5! 5!" "Very good! come here sophie, come with me, let's go to your new classroom! down stairs! come on! in time for naptime!" and you said you weren't a repeater! laugh. laugh.
A miracle. :) "yes, ms. malixi!" chalk touching the green blackboard. but wait! she's not the usual! :\ TAMMIE?! IS THAT YOU?! ;P yes it's me! Meanies! >:P "unannounced pop quiz" "when ms?" "on monday" Laugh laugh. More. Laugh laugh.
clock strikes four. Ding Ding Ding. Boom. Slam. BAHM. Volleyball with sevies and a sixer. *vomit vomit* Laugh laugh. Sits outside with the rusty steal up against our butts. Rock hard now. :( Ouch. 4 past til 6 past. with a buzzz through the phones. teehee. Alibudbud. haha. funny. Oh well. One huge kiss blown wrapped in a sliver wraper. Will you [still] be my sophnight date? <3 BEEP BEEP. screw it. nevermind.
look at the night sky.[starlight. starbright. first star I see tonigt. Wish I may. wish I might. may my wish come true tonight?] empty? nope. surprisingly full and twinkly.[twinkle twinkle little star. how i wonder what you are. up above the world so high. like a diamond in the sky. twinkle twinkle little star. how i wonder what you are] *complete with the tilts of head and all* Look straight. empty? nope. traffic. :| boohoo. :( riight. let's leave now and get home. ohkay. corrupt MMDA officers causing traffic everywhere. >:\ MERRY CHRISTMAS! haha.
I wished for you sophknight. and I wish you knew that.
Freaky Friday comes and the drugged up fatass arrives. A smile from ear to ear. Loud laughs. HA! HA! HA! :| scary.. :| Dana-shi. *talks in Korean lang.* :| blank faces were thrown to her. Anymore HA HA HAs miss? Definitley! :| (again) "i'm so scared" came out right. but it wasnt supposed to. even though she really was. ;P good thing we didnt elaborate on that. Limp. Limp. Limp. Brrriiiinnnngggggg. Recess. Canteen. Walk. Walk. Woah! Is that her?! Walking? Not limping.:| Loser. Fatass.
Sige lang Sophie! More of laugh laugh moments:
"Sophie... 10-2?" "5! 5! 5!" "Very good! come here sophie, come with me, let's go to your new classroom! down stairs! come on! in time for naptime!" and you said you weren't a repeater! laugh. laugh.
A miracle. :) "yes, ms. malixi!" chalk touching the green blackboard. but wait! she's not the usual! :\ TAMMIE?! IS THAT YOU?! ;P yes it's me! Meanies! >:P "unannounced pop quiz" "when ms?" "on monday" Laugh laugh. More. Laugh laugh.
clock strikes four. Ding Ding Ding. Boom. Slam. BAHM. Volleyball with sevies and a sixer. *vomit vomit* Laugh laugh. Sits outside with the rusty steal up against our butts. Rock hard now. :( Ouch. 4 past til 6 past. with a buzzz through the phones. teehee. Alibudbud. haha. funny. Oh well. One huge kiss blown wrapped in a sliver wraper. Will you [still] be my sophnight date? <3 BEEP BEEP. screw it. nevermind.
look at the night sky.[starlight. starbright. first star I see tonigt. Wish I may. wish I might. may my wish come true tonight?] empty? nope. surprisingly full and twinkly.[twinkle twinkle little star. how i wonder what you are. up above the world so high. like a diamond in the sky. twinkle twinkle little star. how i wonder what you are] *complete with the tilts of head and all* Look straight. empty? nope. traffic. :| boohoo. :( riight. let's leave now and get home. ohkay. corrupt MMDA officers causing traffic everywhere. >:\ MERRY CHRISTMAS! haha.
I wished for you sophknight. and I wish you knew that.
Friday, November 17, 2006
Felicidad. Lluvia.Verdad. Frío. Medianoche.
words that can't explain anything from the blank balcony moment. whispers of words from an idea not seen nor heard. the sun's asking if a day would passby with out it's kisses. wondering if a day would survive with out his self blown wind. while the silent stare kept on staring. the question gave it's answer. one long cold night. an overtime work for the moon tonight. the extra chill and longer teeth shattering. the blanket held on tight. would you rather sleep through it all? but tonight's the day. don't confuse yourself. wake up. blink. wink. smile. live the day. but isn't it hard? living through nights and stares would always passby and little did the little girl know, she was staring at her own little garden. up the balcony she always feels as though her fairytale came to life. but this very day would change everything. no sun. one moon. no stars. no wishes.
watch. every step would crackle. boom. one firework. watch. boom. crackle. crackle. watch. beep. honked horn. beep. hush. silence please.
would you rather kiss the sun? or would you rather hug the moon?
the sun might just give you happiness. the moon could give you the midnight's chill you wanted.
but can both give you what you need? truth? silence? and the absence of presence
watch. every step would crackle. boom. one firework. watch. boom. crackle. crackle. watch. beep. honked horn. beep. hush. silence please.
would you rather kiss the sun? or would you rather hug the moon?
the sun might just give you happiness. the moon could give you the midnight's chill you wanted.
but can both give you what you need? truth? silence? and the absence of presence
Balconies.
the chill of a midnight's sky crawling through the night. the gown of a girl sitting on the ground. what happened to the days when the sun shone through the night? when everything felt right. what if things were right just coz it felt wrong? would that be the point of discussion once asked... "what is right from wrong?"
would she know what to say when a stranger walked up to her and said..."where does the sun set? and where will it rise? will we ever see it rise again? or even have a glimpse of the end?" silent gaps will stand as the balcony moment comes. she'd feel undone. left alone. and alone. watch.
watch every step and movement followed. the blood dripping down like sweat. drips and drops of rain, tears and blood. for every step was numb and every bite was felt. look. look at her red bitten lips. not chapped. not peeled. just red. bitten. would you stare at the eyes staring back with the pale shattering of glass. would see the need of every word.
she dove through ink blots and pain. through every silent gaps. through every silent stealth of greeted mornings. would she see the sun rise again? staring at the other side while the heat rose from behind. we should've gone through the walk we had planned. will she make sense the morning after the next? silence. watch as she walks through the balcony and the silent whispers tickling her ears. the lullaby she sang to and rememebered. every tune, melody and broken words. not a stanza. not a phrase. yet words and melody came out. she was blinded by the darkness of the sky. staring up at the blank dark sky, will she live through it all? the down moments and days, turning to weeks and months. she'll find her words again. for a balcony company she onced thought would be there. she'll always find silence and unhappiness. looking for the star to wish upon, never came. was it really meant to be with a company. and if that be so, who is?
would she know what to say when a stranger walked up to her and said..."where does the sun set? and where will it rise? will we ever see it rise again? or even have a glimpse of the end?" silent gaps will stand as the balcony moment comes. she'd feel undone. left alone. and alone. watch.
watch every step and movement followed. the blood dripping down like sweat. drips and drops of rain, tears and blood. for every step was numb and every bite was felt. look. look at her red bitten lips. not chapped. not peeled. just red. bitten. would you stare at the eyes staring back with the pale shattering of glass. would see the need of every word.
she dove through ink blots and pain. through every silent gaps. through every silent stealth of greeted mornings. would she see the sun rise again? staring at the other side while the heat rose from behind. we should've gone through the walk we had planned. will she make sense the morning after the next? silence. watch as she walks through the balcony and the silent whispers tickling her ears. the lullaby she sang to and rememebered. every tune, melody and broken words. not a stanza. not a phrase. yet words and melody came out. she was blinded by the darkness of the sky. staring up at the blank dark sky, will she live through it all? the down moments and days, turning to weeks and months. she'll find her words again. for a balcony company she onced thought would be there. she'll always find silence and unhappiness. looking for the star to wish upon, never came. was it really meant to be with a company. and if that be so, who is?
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
"What is REAL?" asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. "Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?"
"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real."
"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.
"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."
"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"
"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."
seeing the locked up doors of the balcony and having to shut the door before leaving for the park, she realized, moments in balconies make her feel real. living through the dark episodes she'd flashback to. sitting on that little chair she has. that little spot she owns at night. the little stars twinkling. a star she'll never wish upon til the next balcony moment comes. locked up inside the walls she's been longing to break. yet her little car key wont work. and a solution comes. maybe she'd finally get to write again.
"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real."
"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.
"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."
"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"
"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."
seeing the locked up doors of the balcony and having to shut the door before leaving for the park, she realized, moments in balconies make her feel real. living through the dark episodes she'd flashback to. sitting on that little chair she has. that little spot she owns at night. the little stars twinkling. a star she'll never wish upon til the next balcony moment comes. locked up inside the walls she's been longing to break. yet her little car key wont work. and a solution comes. maybe she'd finally get to write again.
Sunday, November 12, 2006
Jeep Jeep
yes... crazy and inseperable will always <3 the partners in crime for every wish on the star will never be forgotten coz of endless sleepless nights of wondering on when will the wish come true. then you'll only realize when you stare at the night sky with an age too old for a bedtime, story and a tuckin and goodnight kiss. that peter pan might not come back with tinkerbell and fairytales wont always have a happy ending. coz take a look at your tale... the wish was left forgotten.
the steal filled with such color and massive decor. its hard not to notice. is it the same with the boy she talked to before? is it the same with the girl you've heard about? what about the story they shared once? what about the dreams lived in the night sky with every wish hopping through each star twinkling through the voices of the little girls singing with mommy as the bedtime story finishes itself. let me think of the childhood living through the four walls with teddy bears and rainbows. maybe he was rigt after all. maybe it really wasnt seen as a dream and maybe fairytales dont always have a happy ending. but who said it was the ending anyway? what if the knight ran away to search for her up the tower? not knowing she was right infront of him all along? what if they were just mistaken for someone else and turned around not seeing each other because of a beep beep.
she always loved her beep beeps. the secret shared under every horn honked. now that the horse is gone. the wheels are gone too. (sshh.. its our little secret! ;P)
*beep beep* ;P
the steal filled with such color and massive decor. its hard not to notice. is it the same with the boy she talked to before? is it the same with the girl you've heard about? what about the story they shared once? what about the dreams lived in the night sky with every wish hopping through each star twinkling through the voices of the little girls singing with mommy as the bedtime story finishes itself. let me think of the childhood living through the four walls with teddy bears and rainbows. maybe he was rigt after all. maybe it really wasnt seen as a dream and maybe fairytales dont always have a happy ending. but who said it was the ending anyway? what if the knight ran away to search for her up the tower? not knowing she was right infront of him all along? what if they were just mistaken for someone else and turned around not seeing each other because of a beep beep.
she always loved her beep beeps. the secret shared under every horn honked. now that the horse is gone. the wheels are gone too. (sshh.. its our little secret! ;P)
*beep beep* ;P
Saturday, November 11, 2006
Boom Boom Crackle.... crackle
Here you can be anything.
I think that scares you.
I've been here before but only by myself.
What giving up gives you and where giving up takes you.
I've had and I've been.
Here in center frame, there's only air.
Just enough space to fit.
I said it out loud over and over but what do I know.
I said it out loud but it did not help.
I'll stop now.
Just so I can hear you I stay up as late as it takes, as long as it takes.
I promised I'd see it again.
I promised I'd see this with you now.
so Just Watch The Fireworks (by Jimmy Eat World)
sitting on a mat folded up with memories. secrets that were to keep stayed hidden. but as you go further into the woods, will you find the words to say. once you bid goodbye for old times sake. would you still cry when you step on the plane. will you get to say goodbye the next time you say hello. or will a hello be one fear for one more goodbye. so maybe we needed one more chance to have a good talk within the heart. tell me once and i'll tell you again. one more friend took off into the end. but friendship will have no end. will it? coz the wanted truth lied through the days. telling us everything to remember. will you be remembered? a sophknight running away. a company has a price to pay. but will i ever see you coming back home? or will past be the one to handle such problem. let me stay grounded and stable as you walk away from this world we lived through and kept. as hidden secrets stay under the arms of every circle and bottle spinning endlessly amongst the girls whispering through secrets. but as we leave and close the door behind us, the bottle continues spinning. keeping them safe inside til the end. keeping everything hidden til never comes back. will we get to visit come again adn talk the way we did? or will it all be gone until our own age? tell us everything we need to know. whisper to us everything we hope to know. for every world that grows within will be a part of whatever's behind.
talk to me through the night as we bid our good bye. under the same moonlight lit and the same stars glowing. listen for the beep beep and the whispers to be forgotten. coz every thing we held onto was let go of and everything we went through was remembered. but this night and this day will always be unheard of except for the two girls who stared up front. blinking through the tears. winking through loneliness and wanted company.
let me just have one night to remember. another balcony. but now with fireworks. hush. dont be scared. lets just watch the fireworks. :-)
I think that scares you.
I've been here before but only by myself.
What giving up gives you and where giving up takes you.
I've had and I've been.
Here in center frame, there's only air.
Just enough space to fit.
I said it out loud over and over but what do I know.
I said it out loud but it did not help.
I'll stop now.
Just so I can hear you I stay up as late as it takes, as long as it takes.
I promised I'd see it again.
I promised I'd see this with you now.
so Just Watch The Fireworks (by Jimmy Eat World)
sitting on a mat folded up with memories. secrets that were to keep stayed hidden. but as you go further into the woods, will you find the words to say. once you bid goodbye for old times sake. would you still cry when you step on the plane. will you get to say goodbye the next time you say hello. or will a hello be one fear for one more goodbye. so maybe we needed one more chance to have a good talk within the heart. tell me once and i'll tell you again. one more friend took off into the end. but friendship will have no end. will it? coz the wanted truth lied through the days. telling us everything to remember. will you be remembered? a sophknight running away. a company has a price to pay. but will i ever see you coming back home? or will past be the one to handle such problem. let me stay grounded and stable as you walk away from this world we lived through and kept. as hidden secrets stay under the arms of every circle and bottle spinning endlessly amongst the girls whispering through secrets. but as we leave and close the door behind us, the bottle continues spinning. keeping them safe inside til the end. keeping everything hidden til never comes back. will we get to visit come again adn talk the way we did? or will it all be gone until our own age? tell us everything we need to know. whisper to us everything we hope to know. for every world that grows within will be a part of whatever's behind.
talk to me through the night as we bid our good bye. under the same moonlight lit and the same stars glowing. listen for the beep beep and the whispers to be forgotten. coz every thing we held onto was let go of and everything we went through was remembered. but this night and this day will always be unheard of except for the two girls who stared up front. blinking through the tears. winking through loneliness and wanted company.
let me just have one night to remember. another balcony. but now with fireworks. hush. dont be scared. lets just watch the fireworks. :-)
Friday, November 10, 2006
the get away. a run away. and a please. stay away
over the chill that covers her, jittering through the night of tears. she still can't believe she finally shed them. maybe not all and maybe not done. and yet it started. the words of the past all coming out and overwhelming every bit of the girl so alive and so full of life, it's hard to let go of someone you thought you'd always find. right. zipping up the get away scandal she'll be having. getting ready for the tears and hugs and added fun memories with people she sees everyday. would she get the good cry she always wanted and longed for? or would she have to see the past to finally break down onto something she never bothered caring for.
the wanted tears she asked for was yet to come but knowledge about it was still invisible and unclear. unsure of and never heard of. something we'd steal. yet to know such confidential knight of belonging in someone's night. would she rather tell him to stay away? or would she rather see him stay and never run away? getting some answers to some questions about the night we expected to have, we'd see each other some time some how. and we will and if you'll see. the chill the blankets her from fear. would you rather touch and hold her hand? or give her words she'd want to hear?
arriving in the distant get away she wanted just the night before, we'll have to talk to ourselves to find out every morning. if this was the day she'd start leaving it all behind or will it just be the normal day she's been trying to get to. and yet the force for the regrets and forgets weren't coming and if it weren't was that expected? and yet the fun and games organized to smile worked and blew her off. the blow out girls making it all feel better and blowing her away by how much a person could make another happy without knowing it.. the whole group turned out happy. and the next night was when every tear dropped onto the floor. pouring onto the lit candle and burning the tears we were to cry. overhwelming the light, we put it off and stopped to see if everything was to be longed for once again. how did i fall? how was i saved? who made me fall and who got me saved? and she saw that one tear left in another's eye. she didnt even have to see it fall. but the words another said about the touched feeling we had that moment was satisfying for her.
then every thing else came out. sobs and gasps for air started coming and the wanted feeling came. swollen eyes were getting there and yet she didnt stop. how could she? it was starting. and that chapel waiting for us still sat there and waited til every girl knelt down to start. tears came down for ever question asked about a mother and a father begging for attention and affection yet every daughter longed for the same thing. even more compared to them. and yet the daughters at fault sobbed through each tear. including she. and then she got to the pour out part wherein everything left her. with one spill of dreams and tears. she let go of everything. did she really miss sophknight? or was he just longed for? coz he ran away. and never returned. would she ever want him back?
coz a balcony with silence and words. comfortable atmosphere and company meant for just two. made her see that everything else would be fine and ok. everything else will make her see. that something in her greater compared to what's infront of him. what if he definitely is her sophknight? will she change? i think not. coz the fidgets she had with the pieces she found, gave her the feeling of finally letting go. and the company she wished for gave the assurance and strength that a rescue will be given. coz even though the fake yellow rose was put back in the vase and the doors of Bethany remained closed. a fulfilled memoried filled get away was delivered safe. with no tapes and bandages. with no coverups and ruins. we had the smiles and giggles we all deserved and needed. our wishes granted by the moon/slash/sun that rose onto the night sky. peeking at the balcony with the two girls staring. cold and satisfying chill embraced her that time. yet it felt nice. it was bare and naked. just the way she expected. it to be
the get away she had was to run away just like the knight. killing his horse (shh... dont tell! ;P) leaving the note especially for him. please. stay away. and please. stay. before going away.
and at the end the jeans she unfolded once she finds, on the left foot of the jeans. left the path of inkblots that makes a lot of sense. sophknight. please, follow my tracks. <3
the wanted tears she asked for was yet to come but knowledge about it was still invisible and unclear. unsure of and never heard of. something we'd steal. yet to know such confidential knight of belonging in someone's night. would she rather tell him to stay away? or would she rather see him stay and never run away? getting some answers to some questions about the night we expected to have, we'd see each other some time some how. and we will and if you'll see. the chill the blankets her from fear. would you rather touch and hold her hand? or give her words she'd want to hear?
arriving in the distant get away she wanted just the night before, we'll have to talk to ourselves to find out every morning. if this was the day she'd start leaving it all behind or will it just be the normal day she's been trying to get to. and yet the force for the regrets and forgets weren't coming and if it weren't was that expected? and yet the fun and games organized to smile worked and blew her off. the blow out girls making it all feel better and blowing her away by how much a person could make another happy without knowing it.. the whole group turned out happy. and the next night was when every tear dropped onto the floor. pouring onto the lit candle and burning the tears we were to cry. overhwelming the light, we put it off and stopped to see if everything was to be longed for once again. how did i fall? how was i saved? who made me fall and who got me saved? and she saw that one tear left in another's eye. she didnt even have to see it fall. but the words another said about the touched feeling we had that moment was satisfying for her.
then every thing else came out. sobs and gasps for air started coming and the wanted feeling came. swollen eyes were getting there and yet she didnt stop. how could she? it was starting. and that chapel waiting for us still sat there and waited til every girl knelt down to start. tears came down for ever question asked about a mother and a father begging for attention and affection yet every daughter longed for the same thing. even more compared to them. and yet the daughters at fault sobbed through each tear. including she. and then she got to the pour out part wherein everything left her. with one spill of dreams and tears. she let go of everything. did she really miss sophknight? or was he just longed for? coz he ran away. and never returned. would she ever want him back?
coz a balcony with silence and words. comfortable atmosphere and company meant for just two. made her see that everything else would be fine and ok. everything else will make her see. that something in her greater compared to what's infront of him. what if he definitely is her sophknight? will she change? i think not. coz the fidgets she had with the pieces she found, gave her the feeling of finally letting go. and the company she wished for gave the assurance and strength that a rescue will be given. coz even though the fake yellow rose was put back in the vase and the doors of Bethany remained closed. a fulfilled memoried filled get away was delivered safe. with no tapes and bandages. with no coverups and ruins. we had the smiles and giggles we all deserved and needed. our wishes granted by the moon/slash/sun that rose onto the night sky. peeking at the balcony with the two girls staring. cold and satisfying chill embraced her that time. yet it felt nice. it was bare and naked. just the way she expected. it to be
the get away she had was to run away just like the knight. killing his horse (shh... dont tell! ;P) leaving the note especially for him. please. stay away. and please. stay. before going away.
and at the end the jeans she unfolded once she finds, on the left foot of the jeans. left the path of inkblots that makes a lot of sense. sophknight. please, follow my tracks. <3
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
my sophknight
ask him the questions you needed to know. ask him right now. before he runs of with his armor and starts killing you with all his might. coz this is all a dream of course, coz reality just wont alow him in. if your pen mixes its ink blots on it, would you notice the way the words change? playing with the wordplay will get you somewhere but if you believe it's something you'll never do, hide your pen and paper under your bed. coz you just defeated their purpose. knowing that everything else didnt make sense firghtens every bit of hers coz eveyrthing they think of would put you to the test. every word coming out were meant and said, no regrets, but each tear was one regret coming out. was he one too? was the question a tease? which question? would we come out as the best ones there is? or would we have to settle as individuals?
i'd rather stay than bruise my every toe, and stab every step. i'd rather be myself that act like you along the way. coz this get away im gonna have will always be marked as my midnight's dream. one i woke up from. but the chill of the night making it feel more than the morning. mornings i have.
i seriously lost it.
i'd rather stay than bruise my every toe, and stab every step. i'd rather be myself that act like you along the way. coz this get away im gonna have will always be marked as my midnight's dream. one i woke up from. but the chill of the night making it feel more than the morning. mornings i have.
i seriously lost it.
Monday, November 06, 2006
In the end....
the sophknight date.. might just prevail once words proclaim hopes of what was left in the past.. or as the past. Let's just leave it to that. But what would that mean if you do leave as that? Will we find answers to what's become of what was left? Or will we just have to wait and aww as the scene plays with all my pathetic excuses. Let me kill my phone for no reply. and run away from what's become of my question that we ended up finding an answer for...
will you be my sophknight date then? [if not him, then who.. right?]
but with these in mind.. will we have to stay awake just to see? or will we get the chance to get a goodnight sleep... rest and watch our dreams. coz what my dreams were before.. i heard your voice.. with me fast asleep... as to waking up with your silence.. i'd have to ask why. for the reason will never come after asking what has become. of the past and present, are we buliding up? or breaking down? or simply... living up to every words i wrote to. every sigh and sworn. but as i curse the fugly mess of what i've done. i come to find it was not more on me, it was more on us. coz every blood dripping down from that dress came from a stab on the back as i turn around and see... that angelic face staring back at me... crap, you got me again.. how come you get to get me all the time... and i never get you?
will i have to surrender the letters i wrote? or will i get the chance to show you one. coz after these letter disappear after you read it, i'd have to to you and pretend.. i no longer write. as to the the clouds of yesterday float on to the scenery of today, let me be reminded of tomorrow....
coz every day well lived will be lived through the next.
we're lost through this day, and the next wont be that easy either.. for falling out of the cages of anxiety and insecurity... i'd have to say.. we made it out quite faster than before... maybe coz i know my way around here now and would know how to communicate and yet this situation got me stick... would you help get me out? or were you part of this.. really? coz a stolen glance quickly took me off that foot... one that was dangling on the open air... catching every suffocating breath i have left... just kill me as my knight and shining armor.. never comes...
coz i killed his horse... shh! don't tell.. ;P
will you be my sophknight date then? [if not him, then who.. right?]
but with these in mind.. will we have to stay awake just to see? or will we get the chance to get a goodnight sleep... rest and watch our dreams. coz what my dreams were before.. i heard your voice.. with me fast asleep... as to waking up with your silence.. i'd have to ask why. for the reason will never come after asking what has become. of the past and present, are we buliding up? or breaking down? or simply... living up to every words i wrote to. every sigh and sworn. but as i curse the fugly mess of what i've done. i come to find it was not more on me, it was more on us. coz every blood dripping down from that dress came from a stab on the back as i turn around and see... that angelic face staring back at me... crap, you got me again.. how come you get to get me all the time... and i never get you?
will i have to surrender the letters i wrote? or will i get the chance to show you one. coz after these letter disappear after you read it, i'd have to to you and pretend.. i no longer write. as to the the clouds of yesterday float on to the scenery of today, let me be reminded of tomorrow....
coz every day well lived will be lived through the next.
we're lost through this day, and the next wont be that easy either.. for falling out of the cages of anxiety and insecurity... i'd have to say.. we made it out quite faster than before... maybe coz i know my way around here now and would know how to communicate and yet this situation got me stick... would you help get me out? or were you part of this.. really? coz a stolen glance quickly took me off that foot... one that was dangling on the open air... catching every suffocating breath i have left... just kill me as my knight and shining armor.. never comes...
coz i killed his horse... shh! don't tell.. ;P
Sunday, November 05, 2006
What is..
Love?
Love is when you go out and offer potato chips to someone without waiting for the other person to offer his - lil kid
Love is to hug... to kiss... to say NO - Patty 8 yrs old
Love is when someone loves you... the way they say your name... It's different! - Bill 4 yrs. old
--------------------------------------------
so when you talk to yourself, asking how you've been and what's going on... what do you say? exactly? but what if you're troubled and turn to no one exept yourself... do we cry? or just talk? Coz the present seems to be such a blur and your difficulty understanding every bit of the past. coz how do you deal with questions we left unanswered and then face that one question you did get an answer for? how are you supposed to answer you problem now? when your friend gives you one, you stop and look back... could i really use that? say that?
"cause you were my bestfriend and i wanted to spend time with you again"
:/
Love is when you go out and offer potato chips to someone without waiting for the other person to offer his - lil kid
Love is to hug... to kiss... to say NO - Patty 8 yrs old
Love is when someone loves you... the way they say your name... It's different! - Bill 4 yrs. old
--------------------------------------------
so when you talk to yourself, asking how you've been and what's going on... what do you say? exactly? but what if you're troubled and turn to no one exept yourself... do we cry? or just talk? Coz the present seems to be such a blur and your difficulty understanding every bit of the past. coz how do you deal with questions we left unanswered and then face that one question you did get an answer for? how are you supposed to answer you problem now? when your friend gives you one, you stop and look back... could i really use that? say that?
"cause you were my bestfriend and i wanted to spend time with you again"
:/
Saturday, November 04, 2006
Unanswered Questions and Words Unsaid
Bravely asking questions knowing no answer would come in reply and yet every attempt given through question marks was found floating in the air. As we sat in that dark room knowing that nothing but silence should be between, and yet there were words coming out forming a sentence. Walking along the floors of a mall, with an eye watching and a report give. The knowledge of company was yet to come. And yet I refuse words in case some would come out wrong. Pardon for silence, since it's the one thing I was left with. With the unanswered questions set infront of me, it kept me wondering on why I was into the question marked ontop of my head. Then it got me to tell myself, maybe it's one thing i wished was left unanswered. that one little question I asked out loud. but i'm not one who holds on a grudge... yet something i regret most was just that I did ask out loud and I did get that answer I hoped for...
now is it bad?
now is it bad?
Saturday, October 21, 2006
Sway
careless twists and turns would cause some serious injury. just like a broken friendship. shake your booty but watch where i'm going. poop out your ass and i'll deflate it for all i care, thinking about stepping into my area? think again, trespassing is a crime. but enough about that, sway with our newdresses and tap with our shoes. let's just say how lucky we are we got each other but lets just stop and think. did we really mean that? beneath the fake smiles and plastic i love yous lies a wonderful world of lies and critcs.
//"i dont really like her when we're alone"//"who would you rather hang with? a ditz? or an immature friend?"//"she's too full of herself"//"she really is a queen bee!"//"is she really cheap?"//"she's so annoying!"//"she ditches me all the time"//
a stab on each back and blood dripping down our cotton white blouse as we walk down the hallway with stories to tell over our glares and critisims. its sad on how we could say such things behind our backs. suffocating our every gasp for air, killing us without us knowing. its such a mystery on how we could walk bear foot on the rocky road ahead and yet not feel anything. is just friendship itself? or is it just us?
//"i dont really like her when we're alone"//"who would you rather hang with? a ditz? or an immature friend?"//"she's too full of herself"//"she really is a queen bee!"//"is she really cheap?"//"she's so annoying!"//"she ditches me all the time"//
a stab on each back and blood dripping down our cotton white blouse as we walk down the hallway with stories to tell over our glares and critisims. its sad on how we could say such things behind our backs. suffocating our every gasp for air, killing us without us knowing. its such a mystery on how we could walk bear foot on the rocky road ahead and yet not feel anything. is just friendship itself? or is it just us?
Monday, October 16, 2006
just to voice out every word left out
Each tear drop had a sentence to say, a sentence coming from my letter for you. Should I take the courage and say it all now? Or will I just wait for the last dying day I have. To touch your hand and hold it was somewhat a dare for me as always. To hug you was the goal of the year and yet I lost my chance once we lost the friendship. But did we really lose that friendship? Or are we just lost in a path we didn’t have to take but we took anyway? I think it was I who led you to the unknown and an unknown yet found would explain each reason unspoken. How can a reason explain every reason set on the table, when every reason should be known? How can a reason not have its meaning once sitting right in front of you? Full of meaning and full of words to voice out yet it sunk into the depths of the sea. But now that each tear drop rolls down my cheek, let me just tell you this. One tear drop adds to the words you thought you would never hear. Another would the mistake of wiping away and another is just one more “I miss you” left unsaid.
a day in the life of a sopho on the dot and many more
Should I even care that something like this is waiting to happen? Or should I just show it like it is? I don’t mind going with the second choice, actually it’s not a choice, its just how I really am. Haha! Caring for what others think of me never really crossed my path, unless it’s someone who matters! Well, they don’t so why should I start now, right? Anyway, moving on to the more important things I actually care about. Things would really be much more easier if I just tell everyone everything kept inside. If I can do that, then should I have done it a long time ago? When everything else was simpler and easier to say? But now that time played with the dice should I be worried that everything’s turned into a more complex sentence that no one could ever understand, not even me, who wrote every word with the ink blots on the paper. A stain would be a mistake not a word, so every word meant was written down but then in a complex way that the ones supposed to read it was confused. Should it be burned? Or not? Should it be translated to a simpler way? Or will it just lose it’s meaning? But things like these are the ones I can’t write with ink and on my notebook, its only on the tip of every finger tip wherein its supposed to crawl on every sentence voiced out and supposed to dance as the sword stabs the backs of the betrayed liars. He was never a just a character being watched through every action, he was always just a friend wished for at all times. He was supposed to be there for every memorable good or bad, but now that he’s not can I?
Sunday, October 01, 2006
Big Girls Don't Cry
The smell of your skin lingers on me now....
When i found everything simpler I never thought of everything I was saying, singing. I would just hum to the melody of whispered nursery rhymes, crawl under the sheets and suck my thumb to fall asleep. Tug onto mommy's dress for my milk, cry my heart out when my ice cream falls. And bring out my puppy dog eyes for lollipop from daddy. As I stepped into the new classroom, I would always wipe away a tear and wish my mom was here to bring me. But now as my shoes evolve to another form every school year, the heels become higher every year. My bag becomes smaller and bulckier by the minute and a new haircut was snipped to each summer. Not once did I look back and cried out for mommy. As I looked at myself in the mirror I finally saw the years of childhood I skipped to. Being in a batch higher, having friends a year older, never made you think of that one year you've just skipped. Your age isn't balanced with your actions. Is that a good thing? Or bad? Is it something I'll regret? Or not? But now I know I could always go back to the little girl I used to be as I snuck into my parents room when a thunder woke me up. The little girl who would always make cards just coz daddy came home safe. That one little girl who always cried to daddy just coz someone punched my nose. Or that little girl who would always sit infron of mommy's dresser asking her to brush her hair and put clips and ribbons on her hair. That little girl who got the attention and held on til now. Are you the same little girl? whispered lips would always ask as you brush your own hair, punch back that guy who punched you. Scream at the bitches who made your life miserable.
A single tear drop never fell on your cheek coz the constant reminder on your head would always tell you how big you are now. No need to cry. But really, a little crying will help and a hug from your parents will make you fell better. And a lollipop from dad, might just do the trick. Coz even though your stuffed koala bear fell on the ground and your crying just won't stop, you're daddy's there to pick you up and by you a lollipop and mommy's there to pick up your koala bear and give it back to you. But now that you've grown. Now that you're a big girl, if your stuffed koala falls, you choose not to pick it up, you just buy your own lollipop and walk away. Let another girl get your stuffed koala, coz you know when to let go and when to walk away. This time's just the wrong time. And you just didn't know it.
When i found everything simpler I never thought of everything I was saying, singing. I would just hum to the melody of whispered nursery rhymes, crawl under the sheets and suck my thumb to fall asleep. Tug onto mommy's dress for my milk, cry my heart out when my ice cream falls. And bring out my puppy dog eyes for lollipop from daddy. As I stepped into the new classroom, I would always wipe away a tear and wish my mom was here to bring me. But now as my shoes evolve to another form every school year, the heels become higher every year. My bag becomes smaller and bulckier by the minute and a new haircut was snipped to each summer. Not once did I look back and cried out for mommy. As I looked at myself in the mirror I finally saw the years of childhood I skipped to. Being in a batch higher, having friends a year older, never made you think of that one year you've just skipped. Your age isn't balanced with your actions. Is that a good thing? Or bad? Is it something I'll regret? Or not? But now I know I could always go back to the little girl I used to be as I snuck into my parents room when a thunder woke me up. The little girl who would always make cards just coz daddy came home safe. That one little girl who always cried to daddy just coz someone punched my nose. Or that little girl who would always sit infron of mommy's dresser asking her to brush her hair and put clips and ribbons on her hair. That little girl who got the attention and held on til now. Are you the same little girl? whispered lips would always ask as you brush your own hair, punch back that guy who punched you. Scream at the bitches who made your life miserable.
A single tear drop never fell on your cheek coz the constant reminder on your head would always tell you how big you are now. No need to cry. But really, a little crying will help and a hug from your parents will make you fell better. And a lollipop from dad, might just do the trick. Coz even though your stuffed koala bear fell on the ground and your crying just won't stop, you're daddy's there to pick you up and by you a lollipop and mommy's there to pick up your koala bear and give it back to you. But now that you've grown. Now that you're a big girl, if your stuffed koala falls, you choose not to pick it up, you just buy your own lollipop and walk away. Let another girl get your stuffed koala, coz you know when to let go and when to walk away. This time's just the wrong time. And you just didn't know it.
Saturday, September 30, 2006
Bras and Broomsticks
Waking up to the mists of civilization, waking up the midnight's dream. The dream of which lives upon the past. Smiling up to the sky as you reach for the dream you wished upon a star, finding out how impossible everything seemed. Get dressed and slip into your pretty heels and make it look like you're not bothered at all. Step into the car and off you go as you pretend to smile just one more day. As you put your first foot forward into the sale you needed for quite some time now, you begin to wonder where it all went. the past. the upside down smiles. everything. then you suddenly remember that every little thing was put aside for this day is the day you'll finally forget. but can you really forget everything you treasured and kept? the sad poems and pathetic things you've said? can you really put those aside? that was your freshman year. its impossible. moving on. wanting a bra and telling your mom about it would never do you good. especially if there's a cute guy beside the rack and your sister's with you. "get the bra you want na!" your mom would shout out and then here comes my sister waving up a cup C pink bra saying.."this is what she wanted ma, get this!" god! kill now, please! but then it turns out fine when you pick out this really cute one and leave the store immediately! ugh!
but then when you get online you find out....
KOALA BEARS ARE EXTINCT!
but then when you get online you find out....
KOALA BEARS ARE EXTINCT!
Saturday, September 23, 2006
A refill to my iced tea please
Preppy smiles and school spirit running about under the humid air and hott sun. Yet going home with the company of an aircon and great talks and gossips with the best friends you love being with. The serious talk about someone you'd never expect you'd talk about! *gasp!* i love it when everything makes sense! :) The excitment buzzed through our ears and so the baths came one after the other. the make up station, the hair station and the everything else. my room lived up to it's reputation, til the end, good little girls cleaned up. teehee! off to harlem then girls. then sober lips strikes again. Perfect girl rolled her eyes at the sight of perfect guy and yet he was the one who helped her out through her imperfections. The night the drunken lips stuck through the beam of lights, blinding the eyes of perfection. Dance to the beat of melodies beating through your heart and let it all spill to the ground. As you see the past pass by once again let not a greeting step out of your lips. Though too sober to think right tonight, you got your friends to stand on ground. And yet the perfect girl stepped into every sip of alcohol there is, and splashed on the puddles of wine. Not so perfect after all and yet the hand held out from perfect guy, showed much of perfection shining through him.
it just sucks that you're supposed to control yourself coz your bestfriend just can't control herself. you're the responsible one.
it just sucks that you're supposed to control yourself coz your bestfriend just can't control herself. you're the responsible one.
Saturday, September 09, 2006
Uniforms on a saturday
nice fashion statement huh! Lets wake up in the morning too early for a weekend. Arrive in a place you never recall seeing at a time like this. More like on a day like this. Don't you feel weird wearing your socks and leather shoes today? More like your plaid skirt and your cotton blouse. Greeting the sunshine with the winces of sorrow. The only break we have left is tomorrow. Reviewing for a test, our dreadful pamatay test. Math. Why must it rise on this very day? We're supposed to be sleeping by now, that's for sure. Still counting the Zzzs and dreaming 'bout sheeps. Then you sit on your old wooden desk, you're supposed to be in bed! Solving dreadful equations its like counting your bills! Math E. was already crying, imagine how hard it must've been! they had their calculators readyy! The tears rolled by the end of the day yet flag football cheered little boys up. Girls pala. Seeing your bestfriends just brightens up the day. Just tell them not to snap at me then we'll might just be okay.
Walk down the floors of Glorietta with your mom. Shopping. Eating. Talking. Bonding. Loving every second of the day. The spoiled little brat got everything she asked for, from the moment she stepped into the mall, til her last step outside the second one. Its different if you're the first born with love showered upon, though you tend to fade away a bit coz of other siblings, you attract their first attention. Always. ;) Thank you mom for a job well done, you made me forget bout that math test. What a nice way to unwind. :)
Walk down the floors of Glorietta with your mom. Shopping. Eating. Talking. Bonding. Loving every second of the day. The spoiled little brat got everything she asked for, from the moment she stepped into the mall, til her last step outside the second one. Its different if you're the first born with love showered upon, though you tend to fade away a bit coz of other siblings, you attract their first attention. Always. ;) Thank you mom for a job well done, you made me forget bout that math test. What a nice way to unwind. :)
Friday, August 25, 2006
my 99 red love balloons
Leave the iTunes on repeat and select the nice song you've ached for.
set them free at the break of dawn. one by one they were gone. lalalalala. floating in the summer's sky. 99 red balloons go by.
I want my happy pink heart. Pop every balloon for all i care, just dont touch my happy pink heart. I love my happy pink heart. Dance through every flow of melody, and stare as strobe lights flash on your eyes. Avoid ambulances though. Sirens will never be heard, keep the foam in your mouth, don't shake too much and dont fall on the floor. Avoid drama. Strobe lights killed. Melodies flowed. Dance. Beats were thrown into my happy pink heart. Dancing in the moonlight. Grab a partner, girl or boy. Hold hands and feel the chill of the moon. Stare at it and foams wont come out. You'll be safe here! ;P
Actual fun during math kept turning heads in shock. Let's see what does AC girls have to say about...
AConversation #1:
girl 1: no wonder Poveda feels so superior, they always feel 'high'!
girl 2: tsss! feelers! *talk to the hand act*
ACoversation #2:
girl 1: Poveda makes/bakes brownies!!!
girl 2: yeah, mamon too right?
girl 1: DRUGGED brownies!!!
girl 2: *gasp!* no more GOLDILOCKS for me!
no hard feelings, it's just funn coming up with that.
bring in the high tech jetfighters!!! let's identify to clarify and classify!
let the 99 red balloons go by.... <3
set them free at the break of dawn. one by one they were gone. lalalalala. floating in the summer's sky. 99 red balloons go by.
I want my happy pink heart. Pop every balloon for all i care, just dont touch my happy pink heart. I love my happy pink heart. Dance through every flow of melody, and stare as strobe lights flash on your eyes. Avoid ambulances though. Sirens will never be heard, keep the foam in your mouth, don't shake too much and dont fall on the floor. Avoid drama. Strobe lights killed. Melodies flowed. Dance. Beats were thrown into my happy pink heart. Dancing in the moonlight. Grab a partner, girl or boy. Hold hands and feel the chill of the moon. Stare at it and foams wont come out. You'll be safe here! ;P
Actual fun during math kept turning heads in shock. Let's see what does AC girls have to say about...
AConversation #1:
girl 1: no wonder Poveda feels so superior, they always feel 'high'!
girl 2: tsss! feelers! *talk to the hand act*
ACoversation #2:
girl 1: Poveda makes/bakes brownies!!!
girl 2: yeah, mamon too right?
girl 1: DRUGGED brownies!!!
girl 2: *gasp!* no more GOLDILOCKS for me!
no hard feelings, it's just funn coming up with that.
bring in the high tech jetfighters!!! let's identify to clarify and classify!
let the 99 red balloons go by.... <3
Saturday, August 19, 2006
Crazy girl
can i just kiss the morning good bye? and talk through the night for the guy that lived through my dreams walked away. i see no point on moving on if I have nowhere to go to. i see no point on saying goodbye if ears were never lent though everyone seems to be supportive. wake me through thre night I may not be dreaming of anything else but I would like to have my eyes wide open instead of drowning through the lake of which I've come to fear the most. save me from the thoughts i have yet conquered. and save me from kissing the right for drunken lips of mine thurst for truth and the past.
Lines flowed through my vodka. As I watched the vodka spin in the glass, watch as my hands shake and my fingers tremble. Leave the dripping alcohol onto my fingers. Let me hold your hand and lead me to the outside. Bring me somewhere I can mumble. Stutter. Mumble and stutter the words I've been meaning to tell you. Or simply to just give you the letters containing sentences kept inside. Let me cry the tears along with my alcohol. Drinking through the feelings struggling. Cut through my skin and see the blood flow. Wake me up through the hangover. But the sober mind would never struggle. Drunken lips and sober mind. Leave them in my hand. Crazy girl.
Lines flowed through my vodka. As I watched the vodka spin in the glass, watch as my hands shake and my fingers tremble. Leave the dripping alcohol onto my fingers. Let me hold your hand and lead me to the outside. Bring me somewhere I can mumble. Stutter. Mumble and stutter the words I've been meaning to tell you. Or simply to just give you the letters containing sentences kept inside. Let me cry the tears along with my alcohol. Drinking through the feelings struggling. Cut through my skin and see the blood flow. Wake me up through the hangover. But the sober mind would never struggle. Drunken lips and sober mind. Leave them in my hand. Crazy girl.
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
To drop
Kisses of rain filling every inch of my window as I sat there wondering how a friendship could end with just a snap. Not even knowing what the reason was or the fault at least of an innocent mind, maybe sober but the fact silence ended every word and sentence left upon to act what was left to do. The need to have cherries ontop of my sundae and my bananas in my cabana would be the best thing left. Thinking bout random things sliding through my head. Thoughts and laughter, the inchy spots on my face. Signs that something there's still beating. And yet the numb fingers of mine would just itch my way into the confusion that's awaiting, the subtle actions I've come to find comfortable. Here you are again puzzling every bit of pieces I found and completed. Making a whole new picture that would confuse or perhaps, confuzzle the mind again. Experiences were too precious to be entertained into the minds of an innocent girl. The innocence that gave life to the fairy. Imagination completely blanketing through the body trembling with fear to come out and live life. Believing every lie told that is to be lived as she grows into the teenager she's become. And yet the lie as she lived it would cause the confusion she's crying from. Tears she hid under the rain and came this umbrella from the guy she's come to like. The touch of his hand mattered a lot as the warmth of his body accompanied her chill. Silence. Missing the experience to fill chill and laughter with you was wasted. It wasn't gonna come and yet looking outside my window made me want it more.
Let us kiss the rain and hope it'll last for the taste is nothing but sweetness, something you'd want for always and forever. <3
Let us kiss the rain and hope it'll last for the taste is nothing but sweetness, something you'd want for always and forever. <3
Friday, August 11, 2006
The remedy
She didn't deserve the remedy. Engulfing her every mistake with the faith left of. Hope is the only thing left with me right now, just turn and walk away. The unwanted silence overcoming the things that could've been. The unwanted reality trembling with fear. As the sober mind bumped its way through the hollowed hall of the thoughts, thoughts of unthinkable things, not wanting the ongoings of pavements and concretes. Rush of present and the distant tomorrow, the loud voices of yesterday left our sober minds twisting and turning to more lefts around the circle. Presence of a mystery lies beneath, and yet we never bothered looking up. The drunken cherry blossomed lips sipped from the glass with the kisses it never tasted. Drunken yet alive, with caffiene combined, certain emotions reflected on her.
The feel of your touch and the whispers of your eyes, seemed to touch every inch of skin revealed. The heart of whom was beating through the chest of such protection from pain. And yet the single thorn splintered the heart and the death that was awaited and yet to come came in a surprise and so unexpected. the mystery digging deep into my eyes would rather flatter than to revenge. Because after the pain of that single thorn it made me realize how much more I wanted. To think it hurt so much yet it seemed to make me think of how much more will it hurt if I keep on giggling out yes to your every shot. Kiss my drunken lips and speak of my sober mind, the wasted time and wasted night came upon the whatnots of the midnight's dream. And yet your voice echoed through my head filling up my uncounqerable soul that left. To see you one more time would give the hardest time but for some reason that's all I want right now.
Every word spelled out a clue from the dark and the gasps that ran through the room threw up the hands of people to cover their wide opened mouths. Revealing the lie she has been living was the greatest thing of all. More stories. Yet the pain that came with it made them realize how much more it would affect her compared to making them feel good coz they witnessed it. They pittied her, for the memories of those words stumbling out of her drunken lips would fade away after the hangover of her life. She would know what she's hung up on because behind her's perfect girl.
The feel of your touch and the whispers of your eyes, seemed to touch every inch of skin revealed. The heart of whom was beating through the chest of such protection from pain. And yet the single thorn splintered the heart and the death that was awaited and yet to come came in a surprise and so unexpected. the mystery digging deep into my eyes would rather flatter than to revenge. Because after the pain of that single thorn it made me realize how much more I wanted. To think it hurt so much yet it seemed to make me think of how much more will it hurt if I keep on giggling out yes to your every shot. Kiss my drunken lips and speak of my sober mind, the wasted time and wasted night came upon the whatnots of the midnight's dream. And yet your voice echoed through my head filling up my uncounqerable soul that left. To see you one more time would give the hardest time but for some reason that's all I want right now.
Every word spelled out a clue from the dark and the gasps that ran through the room threw up the hands of people to cover their wide opened mouths. Revealing the lie she has been living was the greatest thing of all. More stories. Yet the pain that came with it made them realize how much more it would affect her compared to making them feel good coz they witnessed it. They pittied her, for the memories of those words stumbling out of her drunken lips would fade away after the hangover of her life. She would know what she's hung up on because behind her's perfect girl.
Thursday, August 10, 2006
During
Every bit of innocence coming to life as little watery eyes filled the room. Glances of knowing mistery lies beneath. Painful words ripping through backs. If we were to destroy historical data then we would ruin our past and without the past we would all live this lie. OnetimeReader living the lie that could lead her to a certain present. Seeing the clues around her, the buzzing sound of one so obvious yet such a 'huh?' Custom built stainless steal of rembrance buzzed through vehicles of present. Roads of tomorrow lie ahead and yet the present wheels just gazed upon the ongoings of pavements and concretes. The honks of yesterday seemed to echo through hollowed halls of thoughts and memories, the blanked out moment wherein every stare showed a certain emotion. search for truth to relive the present. OnetimeReader not wanting to live another lie. Hanging on the moments she left dangling. The clinging to lost memories she seemed to find somewhere. Finished lists of which the entire life looks up to. Melodies that echoed through the walls of the heart they left empty before going their separate ways. Lost in the stiuation, desperate to find a key, to search through the inside of that someone she looks back to. The continous step onto moving on leaving one more glance behind and yet the continous pull and push impact onto the life so hard to live with. The lie she used to tell and believed, even she got fooled by one stupid lie. Who knew, OnetimeReader could do such a thing. To herself. Its not like psychosuicideissuedclassmate. But it's just an issuedgirl moment for her. OnetimeReader reading books she knows won't have the answer and yet every sentence was one more voiced out. Kept her focus on her day, ridently skipping through the pages she left bank.
Or the driver that could possibly bring you back home when you want to. The pay phone that sends you home, bringing you the answers of which you were looking for the whole time. The certain face of the present staring back at you with eyes bulging from one side to the other. The excitement of the mistery for tomorrow brings the aroma of blueberries. The hidden meaning of a 'hey you' leaves another case on the table. The endless rolling of eyes as ms. guba chuckles out the corniest jokes ever. She should do the waving thing on the OHP more often. The practices that leave us in school til six pm. The shirts worn by emotion struggling inside. The retarded acts the acted up on us once again. Retarded class. We have a poor little boy, shark, hairflipper, onetimereader, rofl (roffle), little ms. guba (how ironic), penguin dancers, croakable joker, africa, haley aka mrs. royalty and psychoplam. Greatest class of all.
OnetimeReader left unaswered phones ringing through the room, not eating the food prepared on the table. Stares flew as they passed by. Phones left unaswered rings. The hollowed heart just couldn't hear them. Drunken lips sipped through the glass filled with aroma that seemed like blueberries. the wine that dripped through her cherry lips seeped through and uncovered her unconquerable soul.
She is the master of her fate. She is the captain of her soul.
Or the driver that could possibly bring you back home when you want to. The pay phone that sends you home, bringing you the answers of which you were looking for the whole time. The certain face of the present staring back at you with eyes bulging from one side to the other. The excitement of the mistery for tomorrow brings the aroma of blueberries. The hidden meaning of a 'hey you' leaves another case on the table. The endless rolling of eyes as ms. guba chuckles out the corniest jokes ever. She should do the waving thing on the OHP more often. The practices that leave us in school til six pm. The shirts worn by emotion struggling inside. The retarded acts the acted up on us once again. Retarded class. We have a poor little boy, shark, hairflipper, onetimereader, rofl (roffle), little ms. guba (how ironic), penguin dancers, croakable joker, africa, haley aka mrs. royalty and psychoplam. Greatest class of all.
OnetimeReader left unaswered phones ringing through the room, not eating the food prepared on the table. Stares flew as they passed by. Phones left unaswered rings. The hollowed heart just couldn't hear them. Drunken lips sipped through the glass filled with aroma that seemed like blueberries. the wine that dripped through her cherry lips seeped through and uncovered her unconquerable soul.
She is the master of her fate. She is the captain of her soul.
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
Browsing through
every page of memoir left. Bumping into the the first poem shared. Upon reading the poem made me realize how you never really meant every word. Not even just one letter. And yet I read on. Touching the wind that passed by, to feel the rush of past blowing through, shivered my spine. Tippy toes dipping into the cold water, creating a whole new feel. The risk poetry took during the past, caused the death of the present. The anorexic feel of not wanting to swallow or bite the cake baked with ingredients so old. The barfing sound of first sips, first bite, first swallow and first poem made widened the gate to perfect view. Whispers from random things left the little black string of thoughts spin into tinggles and tanggles. Causing my hair to take a few turns to the wrong direction giving the brain a whole new map. Lost with the new sensation, reaching out to the string so cold and unfamiliar. The stranger who held out a hand and taken by innocence. That gave life to the fairy. The mistery of which puzzles the familiar on why cherries stand ontop of the sundae. And yet the wounds of the past never healed, bandages of tomorrow never felt how much hatred pain left of.
Study the past to understand the present.
Past, was left hanging on a cold November day. Hanging on a cliff just clinging to seconds left with life. More than the breeze of yesterday whispered to his ear and the chill of tomorrow touched upon his cheek. the calm sensation, feeling of tomorrow took his life away. The story was never meant to whispered and so death was to come. the ear of having to surivive without explanation was alive and yet some one, something died. The past killed the present. This is what she is now. Sorrow dangling onto the end of her dress, jinggling after every step of hope and faith. Every step pierced through her feet as the redball leaked. Every step spelled out his name. The murder. And yet she continued. Everyone saw everything and yet they kept quiet. Trees whispered to one another of what eyes could never lie about. They saw it coming and yet the never spoke of it. The death of present was never told yet the smirks of the past echoed through the gate of the perfect view. Which brings out fear to the death of present. Redball brought them back. I told you, redball is murder.
Study the past to understand the present.
Past, was left hanging on a cold November day. Hanging on a cliff just clinging to seconds left with life. More than the breeze of yesterday whispered to his ear and the chill of tomorrow touched upon his cheek. the calm sensation, feeling of tomorrow took his life away. The story was never meant to whispered and so death was to come. the ear of having to surivive without explanation was alive and yet some one, something died. The past killed the present. This is what she is now. Sorrow dangling onto the end of her dress, jinggling after every step of hope and faith. Every step pierced through her feet as the redball leaked. Every step spelled out his name. The murder. And yet she continued. Everyone saw everything and yet they kept quiet. Trees whispered to one another of what eyes could never lie about. They saw it coming and yet the never spoke of it. The death of present was never told yet the smirks of the past echoed through the gate of the perfect view. Which brings out fear to the death of present. Redball brought them back. I told you, redball is murder.
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
Just finished
The snobbish way acting up on you isn't all that new. Leaving signs of annoyance and droping bombs of anger definitely boomed on you. Tsk. Tsk? Elipses. k. the present conversation mixed with a pinch of the past. Just like my playlist. I forgot what song was playing when we were infront of the music store. tsk. tsk? like i care. *rolls eyes* Jamming with Juan Pablo Dream... (or whatever they call their group, I call it Chemistry) deafening mahn! Sir Cajigs and mister chatterbox biofrog. laugh, laugh. First year was watching, sip sip. Seeing kimchohcoy again and again. Ugh! Her face is so kadiri! Annoying! Barf, barf. Standing and waiting for miss pau who wouldn't listen to the traumatizing segment i watched about how they make dirty ice cream. It's literally dirty. Duh! if it wasn't wouldn't it be called Homemade ice cream? '-_- *slaps hand on head* O_O I'll shut up now. The human hourglass (human o. as miss pau calls it) had and endless spin during pinoy. Aw. bye hula hoops! Isang punong burrol, itutuloy bukas.
The tired nap came after the arrival from a long day. Slept from 5:30 to 6:30-7:00... teehee.
*continuation:
Song#3: Mixtape that was the song I was inlove with before I even knew you existed. That was the song that cradled me through liking mc.
Song #4: Yellow the feel of comfort and knowing that friends will always be there for you.
Song #5: Like you the repeated freshies feat. the troubles of the past.
Song #6: Down we fall knowing it would come true sometime shouldn't have been the voice inside me. Feeling the need to hear your soft spoken voice sing it one day and mean it should've stayed. But then like the next song says. Dreams were meant for sleeping.
Song #7: When there was Me and You its such a pretty song. Plus, it funny-ly fits for some reason.
Song #8: Missing You listen carefully to the lyrics. It might say something and mean another, yet meaning that other meaning, it might mean one thing more.
******the story of one friend gone******
The tired nap came after the arrival from a long day. Slept from 5:30 to 6:30-7:00... teehee.
*continuation:
Song#3: Mixtape that was the song I was inlove with before I even knew you existed. That was the song that cradled me through liking mc.
Song #4: Yellow the feel of comfort and knowing that friends will always be there for you.
Song #5: Like you the repeated freshies feat. the troubles of the past.
Song #6: Down we fall knowing it would come true sometime shouldn't have been the voice inside me. Feeling the need to hear your soft spoken voice sing it one day and mean it should've stayed. But then like the next song says. Dreams were meant for sleeping.
Song #7: When there was Me and You its such a pretty song. Plus, it funny-ly fits for some reason.
Song #8: Missing You listen carefully to the lyrics. It might say something and mean another, yet meaning that other meaning, it might mean one thing more.
******the story of one friend gone******
Monday, August 07, 2006
Listed today, finished tomorrow.
Yellow ball seemed to bounce up later than usual. It seemed to take its time down under to get up. Yet the morning seemed to last longer too. It clung to its place til afternoon. Filipino came to an end pretty soon. Isang punong burrol clips showing such love and greatness. Itutuloy bukas.
Our retarded class had pinoy practice again. Psychoplasm extending again and again. The four autistic minds that followed the ceiling fan, seemed like it was thier first time to feel air coming from the ceiling. The girl who acted like a four year old, continously tapping her two friends and then running back before the friend sees. Then there's this girl who flips her hair onto the face of her jiagmate. Yeh, yeh, yeh yeh. Flip. Then who could forget our human ringtoss, our abused and about to be impeached vice president stood there and accepted the hulla hoops. Haha. Human ringtoss. Pak! She got hit on the face.
*************pumutok.... si Jackie. Sumabog na. Si Jackie******************
Promotion was given to Lala for being such a great dancer. ACDT na toh yo! Of course who's worthy of taking up her place? Moi. laugh, laugh. The practice brought out every person's HUWATAlaugh and of course, comments from hairflipper, huwatalaugh! or puputok!
Tired and sleepy, I fell asleep still seeing the sun shining. Suddenly waking up due to the sudden feel of pain on my crotch, opening my eyes to the sudden darkness around. Only to find out we were still in Guadalupe, so i went back to sleep, after a while seeing we were somewhere in Quezon or EDSA, the breaklights were soo friggin bright. Blindness. Pupils adjusting to the right size for such brightness, my eyes spotted the M. Love ko toh! McDo! Almost finishing my day's allowance, I made it utang na lang. teehee. Not eating dinner but having plans on eating my, yummmm, caramel sundae. teehee. spoiled. oh well.
The playlist of the past:
Song #1: James Blunt's You're beautiful, shit, memories. After that it reminds you of Goodbye my lover. Mischa, pronounced as Meesha, like Kingship the reader says Keengsheep, so sexual and gross in the video. Yuck. Goodby my loverr, goodbye my friend. You have been the one for me. Tss, yeah right.
Song #2 Best I ever had. Listening to it in the car on my way to, shit, La Salle. Sa La Salle pa talaga pinakinggan. The familiar words shook me and it freaked me out coz the situation fits perfectly. Darn.
*to be continued...
Our retarded class had pinoy practice again. Psychoplasm extending again and again. The four autistic minds that followed the ceiling fan, seemed like it was thier first time to feel air coming from the ceiling. The girl who acted like a four year old, continously tapping her two friends and then running back before the friend sees. Then there's this girl who flips her hair onto the face of her jiagmate. Yeh, yeh, yeh yeh. Flip. Then who could forget our human ringtoss, our abused and about to be impeached vice president stood there and accepted the hulla hoops. Haha. Human ringtoss. Pak! She got hit on the face.
*************pumutok.... si Jackie. Sumabog na. Si Jackie******************
Promotion was given to Lala for being such a great dancer. ACDT na toh yo! Of course who's worthy of taking up her place? Moi. laugh, laugh. The practice brought out every person's HUWATAlaugh and of course, comments from hairflipper, huwatalaugh! or puputok!
Tired and sleepy, I fell asleep still seeing the sun shining. Suddenly waking up due to the sudden feel of pain on my crotch, opening my eyes to the sudden darkness around. Only to find out we were still in Guadalupe, so i went back to sleep, after a while seeing we were somewhere in Quezon or EDSA, the breaklights were soo friggin bright. Blindness. Pupils adjusting to the right size for such brightness, my eyes spotted the M. Love ko toh! McDo! Almost finishing my day's allowance, I made it utang na lang. teehee. Not eating dinner but having plans on eating my, yummmm, caramel sundae. teehee. spoiled. oh well.
The playlist of the past:
Song #1: James Blunt's You're beautiful, shit, memories. After that it reminds you of Goodbye my lover. Mischa, pronounced as Meesha, like Kingship the reader says Keengsheep, so sexual and gross in the video. Yuck. Goodby my loverr, goodbye my friend. You have been the one for me. Tss, yeah right.
Song #2 Best I ever had. Listening to it in the car on my way to, shit, La Salle. Sa La Salle pa talaga pinakinggan. The familiar words shook me and it freaked me out coz the situation fits perfectly. Darn.
*to be continued...
Sunday, August 06, 2006
Runaway puppy
Three people in the picture, the perfect guy secretly wishing he was clearly shown. The perfect girl wishing she was the only one left. The other guy, wishing he could stay longer. All three are living this lie. The lie that secretly symbolize a single wish. The wish being the need to stay in the picture but with a true story. Each person shows the picture telling and creating their own lie. A lie that finds the other and comes together like a story. A real story. But everyone believed their story. Everyone nods as they listen. Everyone except one girl, the bestfriend. She believed there was a whole other story written behind the picture. That story was another one told. Told to prefect girl. The other guy is holding the prefect girl's hand while the perfect girl looks at him, smiling. Everyone sees a happy couple. Yet bestfriend and perfect girl knows otherwise. Behind a tree, everyone could see a shadow, a shadow of a guy perhaps. Everyone saw the other lover of perfect girl. Everyone saw perfect guy. Yet bestfriend and perfect girl also knew otherwise. Once you see the picture and hear the story with it, everything might make so much sense and you might just believe. But when you hear the story, read the words written on the picture, you'll see something new. Something more complicated. Something less of a real story, its something true. Its a story of sadness and confusion. People might blame perfect girl, laugh at the other guy and take pity on perfect guy. But really the they're the last people we all should blame. They're actually the three people we should applaud to, the people we should smile and nod at. The story written behind them are stories that will surely bring out tears and sudden aw. Then thank bestfriend for such a story. Its brilliant to come up with something like this.
Saturday, August 05, 2006
The yellow ball meets redball
Loud voices echoed through the walls of the tiny fitting room. Fitted room. Poses peeked through the mirror, too bad walang camera. Vain. Fitting every top i got, practically one of each displayed on the racks. Yet the pretty dress was chosen favorite and most wanted. But then, certain tops stood out too. It was like redcarpet right there and then. Pretty dress still prevailed as the award-winning due to thin fabric and looking like the pregnant wannabe classmate. Votes on pretty dress ranked higher than the price. And so walking out with this huge smile on my face and pretty dress inside the bag with Bayo proudly printed on it. Department stores weren't that bad after all, yet stares were magnetized on us. Pathetic. Sale on Giordano, gave me the second biggest smile on my face. But then it fell on the floor and shattered into tiny pieces, after hearing wala na po ma'am from the saleslady. Too much pixie dust so she flew away. Tinkerbell. The sight of the yellow ball and the redball together, gave me the feeling. Wanting and feeling that I have a need to buy the black and white one, I walked away. Ate in redribbon, again with the red. One more sulk and I'll spank you right here, says a dad. Sulk. Spank. Conversing with sister, about ughhh first year, made me hate them more. Kim. Barf, barf. The pair of eyes spotted two gay men, wannabe girl gay men, handed them the album I saw earlier. The gay album. Laugh, laugh. Shopped and dropped. Just wonderful.
Friday, August 04, 2006
The redball had a catch.
The long awaited comeback arrived just now. In the midst of a nice day, suddenly the arrival of the red ball bounces through. The five minute Zzzzs during bio was usless because mister chatterbox biofrog just wouldn't shut up. Popping notes and messy handwriting wasn't much of a surprise obviously, too early for bio. Later on, tehh hoolas and tehh hoops just wouldn't stop spinning, well.. who could resist? Spaghetti, yummy, redballs... again. Sitting through the whole "you're a lady" session and the "how you should behave infront of the opposite sex when your hormones are running" talks,attracted laughter and nodds. Certain whispers and 'looks' ran around the room. Experienced eh. Well, certain 'experiences' were meant to be forgotten. Just like how promises are meant to be broken. Lunch came in a snap and miss pau just asked about koala bears. tsk, tsk. First year, mumbling out words of annoyance and deep shit. Annoyingly looking at moi just when the certain fucked up name would slip out of their lips. Gross. Practice once again and the confuzzling job of pressing the play button was just too damn hard for me, apparently. So, entrance suddenly transformed to cha cha. Skip clubs.
Redball just bounced on my thumb as I repeadtedly hit rewind as my iPod played through songs that were with you. Be careful. The redball is murder.
Redball just bounced on my thumb as I repeadtedly hit rewind as my iPod played through songs that were with you. Be careful. The redball is murder.
Thursday, August 03, 2006
Clinging to the yellow ball
The yellow ball seemed to shine brighter than usual. The same surprises for absentees await. The clueless looks while watching the foot work with the hand tricks, the unfamiliar movement and sudden change of formation. Shocker. Yet, the laughter and smiles were present in each moment. Attendance more perfect and complete compared to mine. The endless warnings and huSSH from miss bio lab teacher but the continous loud laughter and tummy aches echoed through the "sound proof" glass. Glances from annoyed classmates seemed to work yet constipated looks during photo shoots are certain to make their comebacks. Desperate need for six more topics accompanied ignorance and blank minds from the three stooges. Clicking through "effective" science topics and the stupid little minds just copied through them all. With kikay and ka-artehan prepared to help with the little more need, the gullible hands wrote through it all. Submission so late and unexpected seemed to look nothing much of a shocker from the expression on miss bio lab teacher. Oh well.
Spinning and 'belly dance' skills showed off through math, our favorite. Bola. Complete with background music, so hot and full of funn. Don't cha wish you had that period that day?
The atmosphere was like a liberated class, some wild jungle filled classroom wherein the whole faculty just wouldn't dare come in because of some phobia. classophobia? Nah. Absence, once again. Seatwork arrives just five minutes before bell, annoyed and hard-headed students shook their heads and refused to. After seeing the problems to be solved, soo easyy but the fact that they answered eight in both numbers, just made my hand slap my head. FOUR!
The two one bonding session in Assumpta court. Great fun. Gays and lesbians found so hot, blabber mouths, pushers and pregnant wannabes so not. They make you wonder what goes through the rusty wheels in a guy's mind. Some girl talk would solve the rusty part, or maybe some sense. Yet the presence of 'puppy' and the conitous bark of the radar or should I say gaydar, somehow mustered up a little bit more of my HUWATAlaughs.
Simple things like these make the day a little more worthwhile. So much better compared to the sicky sucky day I had yesterday. Sitting in the library and laughing at the constipated face in a photo shoot and the lack of sleep of some celebrities, were SO much better compared to sitting through how many episodes of doctor phil. The old man sitting on a chair, analyzing problems of people he never even met. But as the day goes by, every moment became funn-er compared to the previous one. Building up this great day. At the end, the message is still left in me, help prevent celebrity constipation.
Spinning and 'belly dance' skills showed off through math, our favorite. Bola. Complete with background music, so hot and full of funn. Don't cha wish you had that period that day?
The atmosphere was like a liberated class, some wild jungle filled classroom wherein the whole faculty just wouldn't dare come in because of some phobia. classophobia? Nah. Absence, once again. Seatwork arrives just five minutes before bell, annoyed and hard-headed students shook their heads and refused to. After seeing the problems to be solved, soo easyy but the fact that they answered eight in both numbers, just made my hand slap my head. FOUR!
The two one bonding session in Assumpta court. Great fun. Gays and lesbians found so hot, blabber mouths, pushers and pregnant wannabes so not. They make you wonder what goes through the rusty wheels in a guy's mind. Some girl talk would solve the rusty part, or maybe some sense. Yet the presence of 'puppy' and the conitous bark of the radar or should I say gaydar, somehow mustered up a little bit more of my HUWATAlaughs.
Simple things like these make the day a little more worthwhile. So much better compared to the sicky sucky day I had yesterday. Sitting in the library and laughing at the constipated face in a photo shoot and the lack of sleep of some celebrities, were SO much better compared to sitting through how many episodes of doctor phil. The old man sitting on a chair, analyzing problems of people he never even met. But as the day goes by, every moment became funn-er compared to the previous one. Building up this great day. At the end, the message is still left in me, help prevent celebrity constipation.
Saturday, July 29, 2006
Your name...
It would always appear in every page i turn to.
It's something I would run away from. At the same time look for.
It's something I locked inside my mouth yet somehow it manages to escape.
And every escape was a suspicous entrance to somehere called my thoughts, my mind, my dreams and worse... my heart.
the feeling so unsure and so disturbing. the darkness that brings such chills that crawls down my spine. the familiar voices and lines, the past, and everything else.
I found them all in that treasure box.
The box buried under the sand, every grain was the tear drop i wasted on you. The box that was covered by the fear of letting go. Covering every unwanted memory and locking up every word I left unsaid.
It's something I would run away from. At the same time look for.
It's something I locked inside my mouth yet somehow it manages to escape.
And every escape was a suspicous entrance to somehere called my thoughts, my mind, my dreams and worse... my heart.
the feeling so unsure and so disturbing. the darkness that brings such chills that crawls down my spine. the familiar voices and lines, the past, and everything else.
I found them all in that treasure box.
The box buried under the sand, every grain was the tear drop i wasted on you. The box that was covered by the fear of letting go. Covering every unwanted memory and locking up every word I left unsaid.
Friday, July 14, 2006
Obsession
An obsession is what we need right now..
to run away from the world we all know...
which is reality.
The light coming out from the telly, touches your skin.
You hold on to the warmth it gives you.
You feel secured all around.
Coz the dreams you hold are dreams that could never shatter.
Secured with the obsession.
the obsession for a certain someone, a show or whatever it may be...
the obsession will protect and nuture.
So you do the same.
Coz you don't get obsessed just for nothing.
You know there's a catch.
You hold on to everyline they say.
And wish you hear it out there.
You hold on to every kiss you see.
And wish to experience it later.
You hold on to the obsession no matter how hard.
Coz that's what happens when you start letting go and then holding on to something real.
to run away from the world we all know...
which is reality.
The light coming out from the telly, touches your skin.
You hold on to the warmth it gives you.
You feel secured all around.
Coz the dreams you hold are dreams that could never shatter.
Secured with the obsession.
the obsession for a certain someone, a show or whatever it may be...
the obsession will protect and nuture.
So you do the same.
Coz you don't get obsessed just for nothing.
You know there's a catch.
You hold on to everyline they say.
And wish you hear it out there.
You hold on to every kiss you see.
And wish to experience it later.
You hold on to the obsession no matter how hard.
Coz that's what happens when you start letting go and then holding on to something real.
Saturday, July 08, 2006
I can't write...
he told me i can't write... sorta... its the same banana..
he told me i can't write.....
he told me i can't write.....
its a letter from me to you...
Fully charged..
Ready to go..
Once i feel this way..
nothing's gonna stop me.
One day you'll regret everything you said.
One day you'll change the way you see things.
Coz right now...
I'm stepping on the gas... and i don't care who i'm bumping...
coz my target is you.
you'll never know what hit you..
you'll just wake up one day... feeling naked then you realize you are... then around you is nothing but darkenss...
and if ever you find light.. that'll come from the whole i left for you...
coz i figured.. why would i want you dead? it'll be better if you see everything i did... after that is up to you...
i picture you standing there in the middle of nowhere... no.. in the middle of darkness...then the rain starts pouring... it'll be sad seeing you all alone.. just standing there all alone... too bad no one will stand with you... coz you know i could've... but you left before we got the chance to...
too bad...
Ready to go..
Once i feel this way..
nothing's gonna stop me.
One day you'll regret everything you said.
One day you'll change the way you see things.
Coz right now...
I'm stepping on the gas... and i don't care who i'm bumping...
coz my target is you.
you'll never know what hit you..
you'll just wake up one day... feeling naked then you realize you are... then around you is nothing but darkenss...
and if ever you find light.. that'll come from the whole i left for you...
coz i figured.. why would i want you dead? it'll be better if you see everything i did... after that is up to you...
i picture you standing there in the middle of nowhere... no.. in the middle of darkness...then the rain starts pouring... it'll be sad seeing you all alone.. just standing there all alone... too bad no one will stand with you... coz you know i could've... but you left before we got the chance to...
too bad...
Yuck
Do you know how it feels to feel soo pathetic?
that whatever you do.. there will always be criticisms?
that no matter how hard you try to fit in...
there will always be rejection?
coz everyday... i feel that way..
that no matter what i do or say...
they'll always look down on me... or say something that i did wrong...
that even though i did something nice...
he'll always see something else...
that no matter what i show to them...
i'll always... have something bad
but how come he never looks at me and just show it in his eyes that he's really proud?
does it always have to be a medal? or a trophy or something?
why can't he just one day show it in his face that he is proud to be my father...why is it so hard for him to say... great job?
or that's good! without having something else come after that....
coz i'm sick and tired of him continously nagging behind my back... telling me how much more i have to do...
why can't he just shut up for once.. and look at me closely?
coz little does he know... i have more problems... and he's just one of them..
that whatever you do.. there will always be criticisms?
that no matter how hard you try to fit in...
there will always be rejection?
coz everyday... i feel that way..
that no matter what i do or say...
they'll always look down on me... or say something that i did wrong...
that even though i did something nice...
he'll always see something else...
that no matter what i show to them...
i'll always... have something bad
but how come he never looks at me and just show it in his eyes that he's really proud?
does it always have to be a medal? or a trophy or something?
why can't he just one day show it in his face that he is proud to be my father...why is it so hard for him to say... great job?
or that's good! without having something else come after that....
coz i'm sick and tired of him continously nagging behind my back... telling me how much more i have to do...
why can't he just shut up for once.. and look at me closely?
coz little does he know... i have more problems... and he's just one of them..
Thursday, July 06, 2006
Confuzzle
the blackness starts to spread around you.
you feel it and you know its back.
it frightens you, makes you want to run away,
to somewhere far away.
but its not strange at all.
you feel the same feel of chill and moist.
you sense the familiar scent and you know everything's back.
you thought everything was done,
you thought it finally went away.
but once again you were wrong.
coz obviously it found you,
and right now it's sitting here beside you.
the watery eyes won't fade away...
and you know it.
the tears you locked up are breaking free...
you sit there. knowing that if you move,
everything will be worse, like the last time.
then there it was.
it dropped.
everything fell.
you finally remember how it feels to cry.
the same time you remember how it feels,
to cry with rain.
everything left from where you kept them,
for so long. you waited.
you knew you did.
and now that its back,
you avoided it coz even though you waited,
you never really wanted it.
confuzzle.
that's what its gonna do to you.
you feel it and you know its back.
it frightens you, makes you want to run away,
to somewhere far away.
but its not strange at all.
you feel the same feel of chill and moist.
you sense the familiar scent and you know everything's back.
you thought everything was done,
you thought it finally went away.
but once again you were wrong.
coz obviously it found you,
and right now it's sitting here beside you.
the watery eyes won't fade away...
and you know it.
the tears you locked up are breaking free...
you sit there. knowing that if you move,
everything will be worse, like the last time.
then there it was.
it dropped.
everything fell.
you finally remember how it feels to cry.
the same time you remember how it feels,
to cry with rain.
everything left from where you kept them,
for so long. you waited.
you knew you did.
and now that its back,
you avoided it coz even though you waited,
you never really wanted it.
confuzzle.
that's what its gonna do to you.
Friday, June 30, 2006
Revenge of the bestfriends
You caused us tears and loneliness...You made us feel pathetic and less of a person every day.. You made us look like messed up girls you'd never want to talk to... You talked about us behind our backs... You've caused lots of damages and because of that we're plotting against you two...
A teardrop won't mean anything to us.. we need a lot more than that... Apologies won't be accepted coz you didnt accept ours... Excuses wont be heard.. coz you never listend to us.... talking to you would mean committing the greatest mistake in life... looking into your eyes might make things worse coz.... i actually like your eyes... but things would be better if only i told you everything i never told you... things i've always cried about.. you just didnt know it... things are happening around you but you're just too ignorant to see.. letters and pictures are burning... stuffed toys are being kept... you're being deleted... this is indeed... the revenge of the bestfriends....
A teardrop won't mean anything to us.. we need a lot more than that... Apologies won't be accepted coz you didnt accept ours... Excuses wont be heard.. coz you never listend to us.... talking to you would mean committing the greatest mistake in life... looking into your eyes might make things worse coz.... i actually like your eyes... but things would be better if only i told you everything i never told you... things i've always cried about.. you just didnt know it... things are happening around you but you're just too ignorant to see.. letters and pictures are burning... stuffed toys are being kept... you're being deleted... this is indeed... the revenge of the bestfriends....
Best bestfriend
You made us believe everything would be fine...
That every line you said, would always be mine...
But time came too soon and took it all away...
I just wish it would come back one day...
Every thing we talk about...
Every laugh we shared...
Every tear you wiped away...
Makes me ask for it over and over again...
You made me feel like crap, over and over and over again...
You're the greatest bestfriend ever...
That every line you said, would always be mine...
But time came too soon and took it all away...
I just wish it would come back one day...
Every thing we talk about...
Every laugh we shared...
Every tear you wiped away...
Makes me ask for it over and over again...
You made me feel like crap, over and over and over again...
You're the greatest bestfriend ever...
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