Your name...

It would always appear in every page i turn to.
It's something I would run away from. At the same time look for.
It's something I locked inside my mouth yet somehow it manages to escape.
And every escape was a suspicous entrance to somehere called my thoughts, my mind, my dreams and worse... my heart.

the feeling so unsure and so disturbing. the darkness that brings such chills that crawls down my spine. the familiar voices and lines, the past, and everything else.
I found them all in that treasure box.

The box buried under the sand, every grain was the tear drop i wasted on you. The box that was covered by the fear of letting go. Covering every unwanted memory and locking up every word I left unsaid.

Obsession

An obsession is what we need right now..
to run away from the world we all know...
which is reality.

The light coming out from the telly, touches your skin.
You hold on to the warmth it gives you.
You feel secured all around.
Coz the dreams you hold are dreams that could never shatter.
Secured with the obsession.
the obsession for a certain someone, a show or whatever it may be...
the obsession will protect and nuture.

So you do the same.
Coz you don't get obsessed just for nothing.
You know there's a catch.

You hold on to everyline they say.
And wish you hear it out there.
You hold on to every kiss you see.
And wish to experience it later.
You hold on to the obsession no matter how hard.
Coz that's what happens when you start letting go and then holding on to something real.

I can't write...

he told me i can't write... sorta... its the same banana..

he told me i can't write.....

its a letter from me to you...

Fully charged..
Ready to go..

Once i feel this way..
nothing's gonna stop me.
One day you'll regret everything you said.
One day you'll change the way you see things.

Coz right now...
I'm stepping on the gas... and i don't care who i'm bumping...
coz my target is you.

you'll never know what hit you..
you'll just wake up one day... feeling naked then you realize you are... then around you is nothing but darkenss...

and if ever you find light.. that'll come from the whole i left for you...
coz i figured.. why would i want you dead? it'll be better if you see everything i did... after that is up to you...

i picture you standing there in the middle of nowhere... no.. in the middle of darkness...then the rain starts pouring... it'll be sad seeing you all alone.. just standing there all alone... too bad no one will stand with you... coz you know i could've... but you left before we got the chance to...

too bad...

Yuck

Do you know how it feels to feel soo pathetic?
that whatever you do.. there will always be criticisms?
that no matter how hard you try to fit in...
there will always be rejection?

coz everyday... i feel that way..
that no matter what i do or say...
they'll always look down on me... or say something that i did wrong...
that even though i did something nice...
he'll always see something else...
that no matter what i show to them...
i'll always... have something bad

but how come he never looks at me and just show it in his eyes that he's really proud?
does it always have to be a medal? or a trophy or something?
why can't he just one day show it in his face that he is proud to be my father...why is it so hard for him to say... great job?
or that's good! without having something else come after that....
coz i'm sick and tired of him continously nagging behind my back... telling me how much more i have to do...

why can't he just shut up for once.. and look at me closely?
coz little does he know... i have more problems... and he's just one of them..

Confuzzle

the blackness starts to spread around you.
you feel it and you know its back.
it frightens you, makes you want to run away,
to somewhere far away.

but its not strange at all.
you feel the same feel of chill and moist.
you sense the familiar scent and you know everything's back.
you thought everything was done,
you thought it finally went away.

but once again you were wrong.
coz obviously it found you,
and right now it's sitting here beside you.
the watery eyes won't fade away...
and you know it.
the tears you locked up are breaking free...


you sit there. knowing that if you move,
everything will be worse, like the last time.
then there it was.
it dropped.
everything fell.
you finally remember how it feels to cry.
the same time you remember how it feels,
to cry with rain.
everything left from where you kept them,
for so long. you waited.
you knew you did.
and now that its back,
you avoided it coz even though you waited,
you never really wanted it.

confuzzle.

that's what its gonna do to you.