Pretty girl. Knotted cherry stem. A kiss blown away.

One night longed for. One night wasted and thrown away. I'm not going anywhere. Yet you are. Leave. And walk away. Please. The rain pouring and she's still standing. No more wet puddles. No more puddles of wine. :) Let her be. :O shocking isn't it?! :P

One more pretty girl walking into the dark village and the ongoing pavements. Traffic jam taking that away from her. She's really stuck in the past is she. Honking those horns away [beep beep]. As she closes her eyes through the busy streets of the city. She can't run away. She can't hide. She can't... have one night. Those silver plates with your name on it. Watch as she stares. Just watch. Drip. Boom. Bam. [traffic] Jam. Bleh. ;P

A taxi driver was all she needed all along. "Can you turn on the radio please?" An advice. A talk. A payment triple the fare. A smile. Walk away now and never look back. A wave goodbye to a dream that never came true. [it never will] Shh. Don't tell her that. Walk away with your click-itty brown boots. Drip drip. "One more tear drop my darling? Wipe it away. Look strong" says Mr. Taxi Driver. Don't you just love them? :) They'll always make you feel better. Unlike dudes who don't even care. Maybe she's right. Maybe she should just wait for some other day she'll get to say Be my sophnight date. Again. [no honey, no] Shh. Don't tell her that. She's wreck. Fix her. It's not as easy as that is it? It won't be as simple, won't it? But if you just roll your eyes repeatedly, maybe you won't see. Maybe they'll all disappear. And if you can't see them. They won't see you. :) But then again, it's not as simple as that. :( Break the news [no, it's actually news flash.] Hush. He's gonna come back. She knows it. [beep beep] Woops. Censored. My bad. ;P [you didn't mean that did you.]

One yes. One night. One fight. One night. Canceled. One tear drop? Many more came through. [told you so] No you didn't. Hush. She's asleep. Look at her face. Is she dreaming? [he took those too. didn't you know that? he took everything else] Poor little girl. Nothing else to hold on too. [star light. star bright. first star she saw tonight. she wished she may. she wished she might. will her wish come true tonight?] Right. One star. One wish. Things she still hasn't let go off. [pop] One more string. One more balloon. Something she hasn't called wasted. These things don't make much sense. Why hold on? Coz they're the things that matters now. And maybe if I hold on tight. It'll bring me to whatever I'm looking for. But I do know one more thing these can do. Take me to someone I've been waiting for. [a wreck. fix her.] If only she was as simple as that.

A word or two.

Pens. Paper. Ink blots. Something more. Blank. Undiscovered. Unknown. Unheard of. Look. Watch. Boom. Crackle crackle. Boom. Crackle crackle. Twinkles. Bright bright. I'm sorry. I miss. You. Stars. Wished. Beep beep. Ding. Monkey bar. Barred. Climbed. Stare. At twinkles. Shine. Kiss. Mwah. Hug. Blow. Closed eyes. One more. Last one. Beep beep. New name. Beep beep. Censored. Woops. My bad. Make sense. Periods. Smiles. Words. One or two. One. Two. Three. Let's go. Run. Run away. Still makes. Sense? yes. Bam. Disappear. Stop.

Yesterday. today. Tomorrow?

Yesterday. when tears start to pour, you know you did too much. You're not suppposed to seal your lips when everyone's eyeing on you. You shouldn't act like you did nothing once I raise my hand to defend a friend like her. You. Suck. Scrub the brown desk now darling, before leaving for vacation. We'll miss you! not! :P

Freaky Friday comes and the drugged up fatass arrives. A smile from ear to ear. Loud laughs. HA! HA! HA! :| scary.. :| Dana-shi. *talks in Korean lang.* :| blank faces were thrown to her. Anymore HA HA HAs miss? Definitley! :| (again) "i'm so scared" came out right. but it wasnt supposed to. even though she really was. ;P good thing we didnt elaborate on that. Limp. Limp. Limp. Brrriiiinnnngggggg. Recess. Canteen. Walk. Walk. Woah! Is that her?! Walking? Not limping.:| Loser. Fatass.

Sige lang Sophie! More of laugh laugh moments:
"Sophie... 10-2?" "5! 5! 5!" "Very good! come here sophie, come with me, let's go to your new classroom! down stairs! come on! in time for naptime!" and you said you weren't a repeater! laugh. laugh.

A miracle. :) "yes, ms. malixi!" chalk touching the green blackboard. but wait! she's not the usual! :\ TAMMIE?! IS THAT YOU?! ;P yes it's me! Meanies! >:P "unannounced pop quiz" "when ms?" "on monday" Laugh laugh. More. Laugh laugh.

clock strikes four. Ding Ding Ding. Boom. Slam. BAHM. Volleyball with sevies and a sixer. *vomit vomit* Laugh laugh. Sits outside with the rusty steal up against our butts. Rock hard now. :( Ouch. 4 past til 6 past. with a buzzz through the phones. teehee. Alibudbud. haha. funny. Oh well. One huge kiss blown wrapped in a sliver wraper. Will you [still] be my sophnight date? <3 BEEP BEEP. screw it. nevermind.

look at the night sky.[starlight. starbright. first star I see tonigt. Wish I may. wish I might. may my wish come true tonight?] empty? nope. surprisingly full and twinkly.[twinkle twinkle little star. how i wonder what you are. up above the world so high. like a diamond in the sky. twinkle twinkle little star. how i wonder what you are] *complete with the tilts of head and all* Look straight. empty? nope. traffic. :| boohoo. :( riight. let's leave now and get home. ohkay. corrupt MMDA officers causing traffic everywhere. >:\ MERRY CHRISTMAS! haha.

I wished for you sophknight. and I wish you knew that.

Felicidad. Lluvia.Verdad. Frío. Medianoche.

words that can't explain anything from the blank balcony moment. whispers of words from an idea not seen nor heard. the sun's asking if a day would passby with out it's kisses. wondering if a day would survive with out his self blown wind. while the silent stare kept on staring. the question gave it's answer. one long cold night. an overtime work for the moon tonight. the extra chill and longer teeth shattering. the blanket held on tight. would you rather sleep through it all? but tonight's the day. don't confuse yourself. wake up. blink. wink. smile. live the day. but isn't it hard? living through nights and stares would always passby and little did the little girl know, she was staring at her own little garden. up the balcony she always feels as though her fairytale came to life. but this very day would change everything. no sun. one moon. no stars. no wishes.

watch. every step would crackle. boom. one firework. watch. boom. crackle. crackle. watch. beep. honked horn. beep. hush. silence please.

would you rather kiss the sun? or would you rather hug the moon?

the sun might just give you happiness. the moon could give you the midnight's chill you wanted.

but can both give you what you need? truth? silence? and the absence of presence

Balconies.

the chill of a midnight's sky crawling through the night. the gown of a girl sitting on the ground. what happened to the days when the sun shone through the night? when everything felt right. what if things were right just coz it felt wrong? would that be the point of discussion once asked... "what is right from wrong?"

would she know what to say when a stranger walked up to her and said..."where does the sun set? and where will it rise? will we ever see it rise again? or even have a glimpse of the end?" silent gaps will stand as the balcony moment comes. she'd feel undone. left alone. and alone. watch.
watch every step and movement followed. the blood dripping down like sweat. drips and drops of rain, tears and blood. for every step was numb and every bite was felt. look. look at her red bitten lips. not chapped. not peeled. just red. bitten. would you stare at the eyes staring back with the pale shattering of glass. would see the need of every word.

she dove through ink blots and pain. through every silent gaps. through every silent stealth of greeted mornings. would she see the sun rise again? staring at the other side while the heat rose from behind. we should've gone through the walk we had planned. will she make sense the morning after the next? silence. watch as she walks through the balcony and the silent whispers tickling her ears. the lullaby she sang to and rememebered. every tune, melody and broken words. not a stanza. not a phrase. yet words and melody came out. she was blinded by the darkness of the sky. staring up at the blank dark sky, will she live through it all? the down moments and days, turning to weeks and months. she'll find her words again. for a balcony company she onced thought would be there. she'll always find silence and unhappiness. looking for the star to wish upon, never came. was it really meant to be with a company. and if that be so, who is?

"What is REAL?" asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. "Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?"

"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real."

"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.

"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."

"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"

"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."


seeing the locked up doors of the balcony and having to shut the door before leaving for the park, she realized, moments in balconies make her feel real. living through the dark episodes she'd flashback to. sitting on that little chair she has. that little spot she owns at night. the little stars twinkling. a star she'll never wish upon til the next balcony moment comes. locked up inside the walls she's been longing to break. yet her little car key wont work. and a solution comes. maybe she'd finally get to write again.

Jeep Jeep

yes... crazy and inseperable will always <3 the partners in crime for every wish on the star will never be forgotten coz of endless sleepless nights of wondering on when will the wish come true. then you'll only realize when you stare at the night sky with an age too old for a bedtime, story and a tuckin and goodnight kiss. that peter pan might not come back with tinkerbell and fairytales wont always have a happy ending. coz take a look at your tale... the wish was left forgotten.

the steal filled with such color and massive decor. its hard not to notice. is it the same with the boy she talked to before? is it the same with the girl you've heard about? what about the story they shared once? what about the dreams lived in the night sky with every wish hopping through each star twinkling through the voices of the little girls singing with mommy as the bedtime story finishes itself. let me think of the childhood living through the four walls with teddy bears and rainbows. maybe he was rigt after all. maybe it really wasnt seen as a dream and maybe fairytales dont always have a happy ending. but who said it was the ending anyway? what if the knight ran away to search for her up the tower? not knowing she was right infront of him all along? what if they were just mistaken for someone else and turned around not seeing each other because of a beep beep.

she always loved her beep beeps. the secret shared under every horn honked. now that the horse is gone. the wheels are gone too. (sshh.. its our little secret! ;P)

*beep beep* ;P

Boom Boom Crackle.... crackle

Here you can be anything.
I think that scares you.
I've been here before but only by myself.

What giving up gives you and where giving up takes you.
I've had and I've been.
Here in center frame, there's only air.
Just enough space to fit.
I said it out loud over and over but what do I know.
I said it out loud but it did not help.
I'll stop now.
Just so I can hear you I stay up as late as it takes, as long as it takes.
I promised I'd see it again.
I promised I'd see this with you now.

so Just Watch The Fireworks (by Jimmy Eat World)

sitting on a mat folded up with memories. secrets that were to keep stayed hidden. but as you go further into the woods, will you find the words to say. once you bid goodbye for old times sake. would you still cry when you step on the plane. will you get to say goodbye the next time you say hello. or will a hello be one fear for one more goodbye. so maybe we needed one more chance to have a good talk within the heart. tell me once and i'll tell you again. one more friend took off into the end. but friendship will have no end. will it? coz the wanted truth lied through the days. telling us everything to remember. will you be remembered? a sophknight running away. a company has a price to pay. but will i ever see you coming back home? or will past be the one to handle such problem. let me stay grounded and stable as you walk away from this world we lived through and kept. as hidden secrets stay under the arms of every circle and bottle spinning endlessly amongst the girls whispering through secrets. but as we leave and close the door behind us, the bottle continues spinning. keeping them safe inside til the end. keeping everything hidden til never comes back. will we get to visit come again adn talk the way we did? or will it all be gone until our own age? tell us everything we need to know. whisper to us everything we hope to know. for every world that grows within will be a part of whatever's behind.

talk to me through the night as we bid our good bye. under the same moonlight lit and the same stars glowing. listen for the beep beep and the whispers to be forgotten. coz every thing we held onto was let go of and everything we went through was remembered. but this night and this day will always be unheard of except for the two girls who stared up front. blinking through the tears. winking through loneliness and wanted company.

let me just have one night to remember. another balcony. but now with fireworks. hush. dont be scared. lets just watch the fireworks. :-)

the get away. a run away. and a please. stay away

over the chill that covers her, jittering through the night of tears. she still can't believe she finally shed them. maybe not all and maybe not done. and yet it started. the words of the past all coming out and overwhelming every bit of the girl so alive and so full of life, it's hard to let go of someone you thought you'd always find. right. zipping up the get away scandal she'll be having. getting ready for the tears and hugs and added fun memories with people she sees everyday. would she get the good cry she always wanted and longed for? or would she have to see the past to finally break down onto something she never bothered caring for.
the wanted tears she asked for was yet to come but knowledge about it was still invisible and unclear. unsure of and never heard of. something we'd steal. yet to know such confidential knight of belonging in someone's night. would she rather tell him to stay away? or would she rather see him stay and never run away? getting some answers to some questions about the night we expected to have, we'd see each other some time some how. and we will and if you'll see. the chill the blankets her from fear. would you rather touch and hold her hand? or give her words she'd want to hear?
arriving in the distant get away she wanted just the night before, we'll have to talk to ourselves to find out every morning. if this was the day she'd start leaving it all behind or will it just be the normal day she's been trying to get to. and yet the force for the regrets and forgets weren't coming and if it weren't was that expected? and yet the fun and games organized to smile worked and blew her off. the blow out girls making it all feel better and blowing her away by how much a person could make another happy without knowing it.. the whole group turned out happy. and the next night was when every tear dropped onto the floor. pouring onto the lit candle and burning the tears we were to cry. overhwelming the light, we put it off and stopped to see if everything was to be longed for once again. how did i fall? how was i saved? who made me fall and who got me saved? and she saw that one tear left in another's eye. she didnt even have to see it fall. but the words another said about the touched feeling we had that moment was satisfying for her.
then every thing else came out. sobs and gasps for air started coming and the wanted feeling came. swollen eyes were getting there and yet she didnt stop. how could she? it was starting. and that chapel waiting for us still sat there and waited til every girl knelt down to start. tears came down for ever question asked about a mother and a father begging for attention and affection yet every daughter longed for the same thing. even more compared to them. and yet the daughters at fault sobbed through each tear. including she. and then she got to the pour out part wherein everything left her. with one spill of dreams and tears. she let go of everything. did she really miss sophknight? or was he just longed for? coz he ran away. and never returned. would she ever want him back?
coz a balcony with silence and words. comfortable atmosphere and company meant for just two. made her see that everything else would be fine and ok. everything else will make her see. that something in her greater compared to what's infront of him. what if he definitely is her sophknight? will she change? i think not. coz the fidgets she had with the pieces she found, gave her the feeling of finally letting go. and the company she wished for gave the assurance and strength that a rescue will be given. coz even though the fake yellow rose was put back in the vase and the doors of Bethany remained closed. a fulfilled memoried filled get away was delivered safe. with no tapes and bandages. with no coverups and ruins. we had the smiles and giggles we all deserved and needed. our wishes granted by the moon/slash/sun that rose onto the night sky. peeking at the balcony with the two girls staring. cold and satisfying chill embraced her that time. yet it felt nice. it was bare and naked. just the way she expected. it to be

the get away she had was to run away just like the knight. killing his horse (shh... dont tell! ;P) leaving the note especially for him. please. stay away. and please. stay. before going away.

and at the end the jeans she unfolded once she finds, on the left foot of the jeans. left the path of inkblots that makes a lot of sense. sophknight. please, follow my tracks. <3

my sophknight

ask him the questions you needed to know. ask him right now. before he runs of with his armor and starts killing you with all his might. coz this is all a dream of course, coz reality just wont alow him in. if your pen mixes its ink blots on it, would you notice the way the words change? playing with the wordplay will get you somewhere but if you believe it's something you'll never do, hide your pen and paper under your bed. coz you just defeated their purpose. knowing that everything else didnt make sense firghtens every bit of hers coz eveyrthing they think of would put you to the test. every word coming out were meant and said, no regrets, but each tear was one regret coming out. was he one too? was the question a tease? which question? would we come out as the best ones there is? or would we have to settle as individuals?

i'd rather stay than bruise my every toe, and stab every step. i'd rather be myself that act like you along the way. coz this get away im gonna have will always be marked as my midnight's dream. one i woke up from. but the chill of the night making it feel more than the morning. mornings i have.

i seriously lost it.

In the end....

the sophknight date.. might just prevail once words proclaim hopes of what was left in the past.. or as the past. Let's just leave it to that. But what would that mean if you do leave as that? Will we find answers to what's become of what was left? Or will we just have to wait and aww as the scene plays with all my pathetic excuses. Let me kill my phone for no reply. and run away from what's become of my question that we ended up finding an answer for...

will you be my sophknight date then? [if not him, then who.. right?]

but with these in mind.. will we have to stay awake just to see? or will we get the chance to get a goodnight sleep... rest and watch our dreams. coz what my dreams were before.. i heard your voice.. with me fast asleep... as to waking up with your silence.. i'd have to ask why. for the reason will never come after asking what has become. of the past and present, are we buliding up? or breaking down? or simply... living up to every words i wrote to. every sigh and sworn. but as i curse the fugly mess of what i've done. i come to find it was not more on me, it was more on us. coz every blood dripping down from that dress came from a stab on the back as i turn around and see... that angelic face staring back at me... crap, you got me again.. how come you get to get me all the time... and i never get you?

will i have to surrender the letters i wrote? or will i get the chance to show you one. coz after these letter disappear after you read it, i'd have to to you and pretend.. i no longer write. as to the the clouds of yesterday float on to the scenery of today, let me be reminded of tomorrow....

coz every day well lived will be lived through the next.

we're lost through this day, and the next wont be that easy either.. for falling out of the cages of anxiety and insecurity... i'd have to say.. we made it out quite faster than before... maybe coz i know my way around here now and would know how to communicate and yet this situation got me stick... would you help get me out? or were you part of this.. really? coz a stolen glance quickly took me off that foot... one that was dangling on the open air... catching every suffocating breath i have left... just kill me as my knight and shining armor.. never comes...

coz i killed his horse... shh! don't tell.. ;P

What is..

Love?

Love is when you go out and offer potato chips to someone without waiting for the other person to offer his - lil kid

Love is to hug... to kiss... to say NO - Patty 8 yrs old

Love is when someone loves you... the way they say your name... It's different! - Bill 4 yrs. old

--------------------------------------------

so when you talk to yourself, asking how you've been and what's going on... what do you say? exactly? but what if you're troubled and turn to no one exept yourself... do we cry? or just talk? Coz the present seems to be such a blur and your difficulty understanding every bit of the past. coz how do you deal with questions we left unanswered and then face that one question you did get an answer for? how are you supposed to answer you problem now? when your friend gives you one, you stop and look back... could i really use that? say that?

"cause you were my bestfriend and i wanted to spend time with you again"

:/

Unanswered Questions and Words Unsaid

Bravely asking questions knowing no answer would come in reply and yet every attempt given through question marks was found floating in the air. As we sat in that dark room knowing that nothing but silence should be between, and yet there were words coming out forming a sentence. Walking along the floors of a mall, with an eye watching and a report give. The knowledge of company was yet to come. And yet I refuse words in case some would come out wrong. Pardon for silence, since it's the one thing I was left with. With the unanswered questions set infront of me, it kept me wondering on why I was into the question marked ontop of my head. Then it got me to tell myself, maybe it's one thing i wished was left unanswered. that one little question I asked out loud. but i'm not one who holds on a grudge... yet something i regret most was just that I did ask out loud and I did get that answer I hoped for...

now is it bad?