A Secret Santa Package

Maybe I did miss it and maybe I did wish for you. But as we grew Santa forgot we did exist. And so every wish from little children were granted. Little train sets, the barking puppy, the dolls and teddy bears were neatly wrapped and left under the tree. We got wrapped up gifts too but way more complicated compared to the little things we used to ask for. The lap of Santa's too old for us now, the knees shaking for mercy as we sit and the little whispers of wishes were too soft to be heard. We're now incharge of our own wishes and the laid back twinkles in the sky are supposedly our Santas. Whether you get one wish or not. But how come one wish was whispered and thrown back to the sky? How come one wish wasn't granted? That one wish.

Was it possible that I did wish for a package delivered in Christmas Eve and this box sits there. But I sorta did get that kind of box didn't I? Beep beep!

Go Figure

Why would questions appear this way?
Having to see everything else but this?
Would you rather seek the attention of a stranger?
Would you rather kiss the sun? Or the moon?
Would you rather answer every marked question?
Or just stare at the blank scenario ahead?
For every scenery shown, asking for help through gasps of suffocated air...
The wanted taste for first touched lips.
Would rather be silenced than harmed
Coz every sunlight glare through the night
The blanketing warmth of the sun with every chill of a cold November night
Teeth shattering through hugs and kisses.
Let a hug mwah speak for itself
Coz a smile
A teardrop
Stare
And glance
Would all come down to every stuttered lie

left unspoken.

blunders of unspoken words. the smiles and the weirdness left unanswered. the secret. ssshhh. dont tell! blundered catipulates. wink wink. hhmmm, who is it. wink wink? ssshh. its a secret. see, this is what i was talking about. somewhere private. if you found my secret. hush. leave a comment. but that's impossible. i dont think you'll ever find it. none of you. :) hushed seceret will never be told. in case you find me. bravo. read on. in both sides. :) let me see who i've always wanted to be with. snow flakes and wrinkled up noses. JUST FRIENDS and drip drip. Hhhmm... will that be you now? drip drip? you've always been the name in each tear anyway, hold on to everything. :) yumm.. chicken salad. leave her to type. wink wink ripcurl. yeah.. wink wink. or giggle giggle will work.. either way. :o so.. do you know now? guess not. :) wink wink.

Typed out

ink blots and teardrops, the hugs and kisses. winkle, wrinkles. laughter and smiles. and so the typing begins. the girl hopping through the numbered stars, wishing for something more and twinkle twinkles given up as we point back. see the feel of the vanilla scent and the overdose of boredom. leaving the ink blots staining the paper. let them feel the stain and heat of coffee. smell of inspiration and a name given without hesitation. "one short gingerbread latte for" non-islander. she didn't survive after all. the blinks of winks and the blinks sleepiness. yawn through the day. the girl so bored. indeed overdose of boredom's bad. not being given the right to speak. and the need for somemore entries. taken away by dreams of failure. the dreams of dark rooms no one to talk to but herself. sad.

How nothing else matters

the cold silent whispers through the silence left between. The hollowed meaning and empty papers left to ponder on. The ink blots smudging every words left unspoken instead written down, did we miss anything? except for the broken silence causing greater confusion. Leaving the blank spaces blank, we don't care, right? [beep beep] Honking the horn that follows the shadows of the past, leaving the present with nothing. Allow her to stare at the ongoing pavements, but then they're not moving now. [traffic] JAM! Bam! Boom! Bleh! ;-P

Is she not in the present right now? Watch as she stares at the empty pavements left on the ground. The nothingness of it all didn't make sense [like twinkle twinkle] The spirit of the night would come in and knock on the window. Not caring on what time it is, she would sneak out and experience every midnight's dream there is. Yet outside the house and the four walls she filled in. If only reality would allow her to. Continue with everything else that happens, wish upon the stars that twinkle twinkle. Leave everything under the covers and the worries of tomorrow and everyday. The moon lady's wish for one day, would never come for she shines through every night and dark sky. Watching as she falls into the sleep and dreams. Watch as she sheds every tear, the song she's been listening to gave her permission to feel. Is this what happens when she does? Tears start to come out, one by one... not knowing what to do. Not even a smile would appear. How come no one else saw? The past denied. The still ongoing pavement shook it's head. The trees, the window, the star and everything else never knew.[Little girl, why are you sad?] coz nothing else matters...

Remember

the song says...

Remember the moment of changeis it all straight ahead or behind you? Well maybe if you look around you’ll see everything’s perfectly clearpicture it all in your mind Remember where we are nowopen your eyes Take it all in Remember where we are now This is where your life begins You feel like you’re lost in the crowd Watching life go on without you Well baby it’s your turn to shine everything’s starting right here Don’t leave this moment behind Remember where we are nowopen your eyes Take it all in Remember where we are nowthis is where your life begins Don’t look away it’s the life that you choose now believe it There’ll come a day When you look up and see how good you are with me Remember where we are nowopen your eyes Take it all in Remember where we are now This is where your life begins

One sleepover and a movie played. The eyes staring at the screen, secretly wishing for the same thing. the prince, the crown and the girl.

Sssh.. its our little secret!

She begged for one more wish as she stepped into the covered unmentionables. ;) the one little star she wished on would one day be hers. [right.] Sshh. She wishes for that one star. [oh right. there's twinkle twinkle now. beep beep made more sense.] Beep beep no longer gave in to every honk. it lost it's powers the moment she put some sense into it. Is that supposed to happen? The moment you find it you lose it. It's funny how irony starts forcing itself in when you don't want it. But when you beg for rain on a sunny day, it hides away. Like the lil haiku the little girl wrote down. One shining light (too far to reach) One teardrop too long, I wish for one day each night, You're what I long for. But how come the moon lady can't get her wish? She's with the company of stars and twinkle twinkles. [so much for beep beep huh] Beep beep never came and didn't mean anything the moment it did. When it all made sense it flew into the air. The moment she fell for the same joke she promised she'll never laugh at. She believed the same old lie she used to tell herself when she promised she'll never trust. She cried for the same wish when she told herself wishes don't come true. She open the same old window last night, the moment she locked it up and closed all curtains. Were little girls allowed to torture themselves that way? Last time I checked, things weren't that complicated when you're in that age yet. [the thing is she's not in that age anymore.] But everyone needs to go back to the childhood days they used to have. Right? When you're a little girl, you close your eyes when you feel like disappearing. When you're a little girl, you sit on the lap of Santa and ask for whatever you want. When you're a little girl, you long for lollipops and teddybears when you're lonely. When you're a little girl, you laugh at everything coz of innocence. When you're a little girl, you wish on a star and believes that it'll come true. When you're a little girl...

But we're not so little now are we? We got those exams to worry about and we have to plan your whole life or at least start thinking about it. We spend most of our time whining about how hard everything is. But then it's not so hard, is it? Come to think of it, it should be a little bit easier given the fact we got our own mind and we could think alone now. We don't need mommies and daddies to pick us up when we trip. We don't need lollipops when we cry and we don't need stars to wish on coz we don't believe in those anymore. But what happens when you do? When you don't have anything to turn to but your favorite teddy? When you don't have anyone to cry to but your mom?

Let her have that one forgotten wish. That one night she knows will someday come. The one day, she'll be picked up and would hold that one person's hand. [beep beep. twinkle twinkle.] Confused and frustrated. You pretend that you don't even care but then you know you do. The moment you pulled the curtains aside and opened that window, you know you got everything else infront of you. You're blinded by what's infront of you coz it's too near. Why do we even look far off, when everything else is there? As everything pass by. But every sentence we have under every silence, we begin to think there's nothing else left. But then. Leave her alone as she falls and breaks down. The sobs and the tears falling. It's everything she wished for. One secret list, they'll never find. One little wish list, no one will ever read. Hidden beneath the blank faces of that one girl who walks by every now and then. There are days every now and again i pretend i'm ok but that's not what gets me. That's one line you'll never forget. One line you'll hear from her. Maybe not anymore, for the pathetic feeling she's always had never really gave her the courage. :) let's just smile then.

Twinkle twinkle.

Rain Rain. Drizzle drizzle. Rain Rain. Chill on the feet and the text message not sent. You're making me more pathetic than i already am. : just leave me alone unspoken thoughts. Forgotten dreams and the forgotten wishes. What's there to remember about the dreams and wishes?
Watch as she dresses up and brushs her hair. Staring at the mirror, wondering if there's more time to spare. And yet the loud voices and the engine starting, it's time to go. then poor little girl had to leave. lunch out. and out again. come back home and walk right in. the parlor, the bazaar. parlor til six past and we're late for mass. poor little girl had to rush home and back out again. Rain rain. Don't go away. She loves the rain and things happen when it does. :) [see her smile? keep it. it's not often she shows one] as she walks out the parlor, she sees the star she wished upon. One star that creats happiness. One star she might just reach. Maybe. We'll see. [twinkle twinkle. not beep beep. she took out the horn, she put on little star earrings, is she really locking it up? the little car key thrown away?] Twinkle twinkle. :)

Beep Beep might mean <3

the walk to the cafe, giving them the chill, the taste and the statisfaction of sipping the great taste of pleasure. 8 sticky friends til the present arrives. :D stay inside, just stay there til it's safe. hhm. sounds familiar. right. search search search! hehe. teachers making it look like there was a shoot out or something. coz it sure felt like a lock down recess. :P Nah, maybe we just wanted one like it. Haha. Oh well. The rain stopped. But why would I want it to? Even though exams are pushing through, then what will happen? Sick. No. I don't want. Exams are important. :

Step out. Drizzle drizzle. Hhm. I guess it's fine. Oh but wait. Puddles of rain are still here! :) Lovely. Then the two young ladies with fraps held on tight walked into the village, still out at night. hhm. still in your uniforms huh, well lets just see what happens. pass by the park darlings, you'll never know when.. drizzle drizzle. There we go. RUN! RUN! the covered court. the covered secrets to tell. giggles and wiping. the transparent blouse. tsk tsk. kayo ha! *wink wink* let me have my smile at last. please? *gasp!* :) there we go. Pepeton! Pepeton! :) smile. smile. smile. haha! lovely. lovely night.

beep beep is...

taste the sober lips you'll always find. a kiss felt ontop of the monkey bars. one more wish added. one more left there. will everything be forgotten as you find everything else lying around? it all matters and yet they begin to not. and if they don't will tears leave them unspoken? Unanswered problems and unspoken questions, we'll never get to the bottom of everything. The answers we left unspoken and the sober lips left untouched. Nothing will ever seem right. and the places we left hanging, and the words we left dangling, will everything be right? if you leave everything behind, then nothing else would matter. no one else would care. and yet the pouring rain will grant you the satisfaction you need. hug the girl who's longed for one. skipping through the hallways alone and silent. yeah, alone and silent. hussh. she's talking.

I miss him. Everything else too. the past, the smiles, the laughter, the tears and the fun moments around. the skipping days and the ignorant looks will never tell them anything else. the sweet little smiles and the will never be forgotten promise. I miss those. [you miss him] Period. oh. wait. hug mwah! [beepbeep]

I wish....

I wish i loved you? that icon stood out. i must say.
but one wish i could never forget... was... I wished for you. :|

Stories told in not much of a hushed tone. better yet a free tone. :) noise level over the top. The banging onto the table. One person fell. :| too into the kwentos. One knife picked up and ran through the fingers. or between each finger. or else blood would've dripped and poor little girl gets rushed to the hospital. another THE story would be told in cooking class. straight up to pinoy. one odd teacher. nationalistic? not. thought so. lunch. subjects. wait. ANDRE! WHERE'S ANDRE? WHATEVER HAPPENED TO ANDRE? maybe eating some red lobster sir. hahahaha! then lit came. Gubalicous! christmas lights! :D loves it! :D

then one more vandalized back of the pad. yes. keep it. own it. read it. i liberated myself and wrote with freedom. keep it.i promise.

So why didn't you go?

One getaway. One key. One little car keychain. One little lie. One huge about-to-be-mess. One night. One person's sober lips. One barefoot teenager. One sophknight. One hour of waiting. One best. Night. Of. One's. Life.

Hushed tone of silenced unspoken voices. One tilt in the head. And one takas. awaits one more hushed tone. And a paranoid party girl. A paranoid wreck. You can't let this happen. You can't leave her here with sober lips puckered up. If only she was drunk she should've danced with you. :) Aaw! A smile. :) Too bad she wasn't as drunk. :) Aaw! Another smile. :) What if the wrecked up little girl was too wrecked. Was alone. And danced with you. Would you live with that? Yeah he would. But will she? Allpuckered up, shouting out loud and screaming like the drunk she really is, good thing her old crippled grandma didn't come. Let them bee. Let them bee. Bumble bee. The sober lips and drunken minds, dancing through tunes of the lived up nights they had. One more hand held and one more couple at sight, she would've given up and tasted the tears once again. :) There you go. Another smile. :) Hhmm. Let me see, another? And another? And another?! she must've lost it. Or maybe she's jst intoxicated. Yes. It's an intoxicated smile. One mountain dew. One tequilla. Two tequilla. One more beer. Then that was it. The stairs. Not the floor. But with two couples and one missing. Yes, godchild. :P Not yet! We shall wait. :P Again. Bleh! :P Was it shocking? to see the chapped lips walking down with hhm, lets see, non islander!? *laugh laugh*. yes. it was. oh well. red dress looked hot anyway, and aaaw! her cute lil date. Platito! *laugh laugh* yes. Rhyme it up my lil wannabe miss guba-s! *laugh laugh* [yes. laugh it up! you need it sweetheart]

*sigh* one best night. with her bee. with all of her bestfriends. with one huge lump of guilt. :) One smile. ["smile"]